Planning weddings, managing a family, all while balancing a business can be a tough journey. Well, you're in for a treat listening to our latest episode as we delve deep into the world of wedding planning, revealing the strains and stresses of this high-pressure job, and the impact it can have on their soulmates. We shed light on the importance of a balanced partnership and clear communication, which can significantly buoy the success and well-being of a wedding planner.
As we take this journey, we discuss the hurdles of running a wedding planning business while navigating the needs of our friends and families. We explore the intricate dance of working with your soulmate - the challenges, the distractions, but also the deep rewards it can offer. We also highlight the importance of seeking help when needed and embracing the support offered by the Certified Wedding Planner Society, a community where camaraderie is as vital as the air we breathe. Listen in, as we uncover the world of wedding planning, the valuable role of supportive soulmates, and the significance of seeking and giving support within this high-pressure industry.
Become a VIP of The Wedding Planner Podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1933700/subscribe
www.cwpsociety.com | info@cwpsociety.com | IG: @cwpsociety | FB: @cwpsociety
Planning weddings, managing a family, all while balancing a business can be a tough journey. Well, you're in for a treat listening to our latest episode as we delve deep into the world of wedding planning, revealing the strains and stresses of this high-pressure job, and the impact it can have on their soulmates. We shed light on the importance of a balanced partnership and clear communication, which can significantly buoy the success and well-being of a wedding planner.
As we take this journey, we discuss the hurdles of running a wedding planning business while navigating the needs of our friends and families. We explore the intricate dance of working with your soulmate - the challenges, the distractions, but also the deep rewards it can offer. We also highlight the importance of seeking help when needed and embracing the support offered by the Certified Wedding Planner Society, a community where camaraderie is as vital as the air we breathe. Listen in, as we uncover the world of wedding planning, the valuable role of supportive soulmates, and the significance of seeking and giving support within this high-pressure industry.
Become a VIP of The Wedding Planner Podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1933700/subscribe
www.cwpsociety.com | info@cwpsociety.com | IG: @cwpsociety | FB: @cwpsociety
Welcome to the Wedding Planner podcast brought to you by the Certified Wedding Planner Society. Welcome to the Wedding Planner podcast. This is our soulmate series, brought to you by the Certified Wedding Planner Society. We are the world's leading wedding planner certification program and the world's largest membership of certified wedding planners. My name is Lori Hartwell and I'm the founder and CEO of the Certified Wedding Planner Society, and I am here with my amazing co-host for this series, my husband and president of the CWP Society as well. Hello, philip Hartwell, how are you? Hello, wife, how are you? I'm doing really good. I'm excited because today we're going to be talking about supporting your soulmate through their journey as a wedding planner. We are.
Speaker 2:If you are a wedding or event planner and your soulmate is close, by grab them. Tell them that it's really important information for people who are not wedding or event planners to hear.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Well, you know, we just celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary.
Speaker 2:We sure did.
Speaker 1:And so we've been together a really long time and we have a pretty solid understanding now of each other after all these years. But back in the day, when our relationship was pretty new, you probably didn't have a full understanding necessarily of what I did as a wedding planner in general and I can tell you just it's stressful. I remember the first wedding I planned was 30 years ago. It has always been a very, very stressful job.
Speaker 2:In fact, I had no idea how stressful.
Speaker 1:It's hard to know unless you're actually doing it, but back in even just 2019 and 2020, being a wedding and event planner actually was rated number five of the most stressful jobs in America. And then a new study just came out recently that says now wedding planners are rated number three of the most stressful jobs. But now it's in the world. So you know this is a really stressful job, but I bet that you had no idea what I even did in the beginning.
Speaker 2:No clue. I know that now, but back then when we were newly married, I mean I knew you planned weddings. So Monday through Thursday I knew you were, you know, talking with clients on the phone. I knew Friday nights were not a good night to schedule a date night because you know you were rehearsals and busy with all that and getting ready for the wedding. I knew for sure Saturdays were not a good day, so you were working hard and long hours and your feet hurt at the end. I knew Sundays were completely out. I mean you were a zombie on Sundays and honestly that was fine with me because I could watch football or do whatever. You know, mow the lawn or do whatever, right. But I really had no clue what you did the rest of the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I would say that you're probably not alone there. I think probably most people who are significant others or soulmates of a wedding planner probably don't have an idea, because we are trained as wedding planners to not really show any of the struggles, any of the stress. We're supposed to make sure that everybody else is having a really great time in life and we are always in service of others. We a lot of times forget to put ourselves on the list, and that includes reaching out to our soulmate and saying I feel like I'm sinking, I'm super stressed out right now, and so today we really want to talk a little bit about what that real struggle is. I wasn't just a wedding planner. I then became a mom eventually, so I was juggling work life and mom life. I was also your wife. I'm a daughter. I was a great friend. You know there was a lot going on, so I felt like I was juggling things all the time and not sure if I was juggling them well, but juggling nonetheless.
Speaker 2:You were doing the best you could. I remember, you know, leaving for work in the morning, go to my nine to five job and I was fortunate enough to have lunch break, so I'd come home for lunch and during that hour I saw a lot of really happy family life, you know. And of course I had a great lunch and hanging out, catching up with what you guys had been up to and really had no clue that you were also working Right, right.
Speaker 1:So again, you're not alone, because a lot of people don't understand that wedding planners don't just work on Fridays and Saturdays. We work all day Monday, all day Tuesday, all day Wednesday, all day Thursday, all day Friday, friday night, all day Saturday, saturday night, and then sometimes we still have events on Sundays. But if we are lucky and we don't, we are what you called zombies, because we cannot move. We are just so, so exhausted. That's our recovery period.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I figured my job at the time was to, you know, be a good husband, be a good partner, and so I, you know, helped around the house. I remember I always helped with laundry. Of course, I always had my own laundry to do when I was single, so why would that change? I always took care of my own dishes when I was single, so why would that change? Right? So I did the normal things that I saw.
Speaker 1:You were very helpful. You were a great father, you were a terrific husband, definitely helping around, and I feel like that's what actually helped me be able to have my career, because there, I don't think that there would have been any solid way for me to work as hard as I was at this incredibly stressful job and juggle being a mom and juggle being a wife, and also be the only person who was in charge of laundry and the only person in charge of doing dishes and the only person in charge of cleaning the house. I mean, you were working, I was working, and it needed to be kind of a 50 50 as much as it possibly could. You know, division of all of our duties, and so, you know, I took care of our sweet daughter during the week and then when I was gone on the weekends doing weddings, you were the sole provider of her at that time, and so there was a lot of division of responsibilities, right, but you still, at that time, just had no idea of really what I actually did, and so that was the beginning, right Of and that went on for years. That just that just went on for years. But later you always, you know, you did.
Speaker 1:Let me know that you kind of learned that maybe there was a little bit more to it and we kind of discussed this a little bit. We mentioned that it was probably when it was like 2007. So I had been planning weddings for a long time up until then, but around 2007, I was just in a full wedding planner burnout mode, because that's a real thing. Wedding planner burnout is a real thing. And I remember and you and I know you remember I used to blast two songs. There were two songs I remember just needing to hear at the at the loudest possible volume level, which was it was Catherine McPhee's I'm Over it and Dido's White Flag. So I was like I surrender, I can't do this anymore. I'm 100% over it. These people do not appreciate me. What was going through your head? Because you kind of didn't really again realize how stressful my job was. What did you think I was going through at that time?
Speaker 2:What did I think you were over?
Speaker 1:Yeah, what was I over?
Speaker 2:Phil Right Because yeah, I think everybody gets there in their jobs at one point or another, but I don't think I realized the extent of the idea that and I know this now, but back then I know you give 150% to your couples and did at the time and still do 150%. So it's such a huge responsibility.
Speaker 2:a wedding yeah, it is and all of the dynamics that go into it. So you take it personally. So I guess I just didn't really understand how personally you took your job and how personally you took your clients and it's a lot of pressure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you mentioned that you thought, well, she's probably just over working crazy weekends and every weekend.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Yeah, again, I was like wow, the weekends are hard. Of course, it's one really hard day, one day to recover, but what possibly could be this?
Speaker 1:important Right To where she's blasting I'm over it songs. And so when was it, phil, that you really had a full understanding of the crazy that a wedding planner goes through?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say I really didn't have a clear understanding until you started teaching certification courses. So you were several, several years into your 15 years.
Speaker 2:And when I sat in that first certification course and of course you had had people you know, other wedding planners wanting to mentor with you and wanting to work with you and you got to the point where you really created a robust program of training for wedding planners. And when I sat in the back of that course and you went through, step by step by step, all of the things that lead up to that wedding day, the 5000 details right.
Speaker 2:A bit of a light bulb went off in my head like, oh, she just, she doesn't just work Friday nights and Saturdays, she works seven days a week. You know, planning for all of this up ahead of the time and that's really the bulk in what I learned after sitting through so many of those certification courses. I learned that it's mostly it's 99% preparation, like that iceberg thing. Yeah, it's mostly what's underneath the surface, that you don't see. That makes that beautiful. Iceberg on top.
Speaker 1:That you do see. Yeah, because wedding days are actually the easiest part of our job, not physically, that's. The hardest part of our job physically is Friday nights and Saturdays. But you're right, I would say the hardest part of our job is the planning that leads up to that, and then wedding weekends are actually supposed to be pretty smooth if you did all the planning correctly. So it wasn't until then that you realized that things were maybe a little bit more than they seem.
Speaker 2:A little bit more than you see, and I think wedding guests see that too. You know an event guest. Or even if you're at a concert, you know you're saying a concert.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a good thing.
Speaker 1:Now you're seeing the laser lights and the sound is perfect and you're feeling it in your chest, you know having a great time, but you don't see all the hard, hard work that all of the practice that the performer had to put into that particular tour all of the huge team that went into putting that entire staging together, the production team, and then, of course, you've got all the sound people, and then you've got the ticket sales, and then it's just a huge. It's a massive undertaking, right, right To plan an event, and I see planning weddings kind of that same way it is. There's so much more to it. So after I, you know, had my wedding planner burn out moment, I took about a year off because I just needed to get away. I needed to step away from the industry so that I could rejuvenate and I think that saved your life.
Speaker 2:to be quite honest, do you?
Speaker 1:Why do you think it saved my life? If you cry, I'm going to cry you are not going to cry.
Speaker 2:You were working so hard, right, and putting your heart and soul into your clients, but it's almost like when you, when you work so hard and I'm sure that other professions get this as well right. Just the lack of appreciation for what it is you do and how much you care about their event. I think that's something couples these days really don't understand. They don't the value of a wedding planner.
Speaker 1:Who cares just as much about their big day and experiences they do right.
Speaker 2:Like a neutral party, somebody who's not an aunt, not a mom, not a dad yeah, not related at all Just somebody who is going to take care of business.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then plus, I also put that same energy into mothering and being my wife and being a friend. Yeah, so you needed that break.
Speaker 2:You really did need that break and you seriously took a break.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And you homeschooled our kid during that time I did.
Speaker 1:I loved every single second I shared for years you set up the cutest little classroom it was awesome.
Speaker 2:And she loved it, you loved it, I loved it and I helped her with her homework.
Speaker 1:That was the best time of my entire life. Honestly, it was great, yeah, but you needed that clear break to just focus on our daughter for those years. Yeah, greatest experience of my life, for sure. And then, when she was ready to, go back to school.
Speaker 2:she's like mom, I'm ready.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like all right, Well then, I'm going to get back to work then.
Speaker 2:And you know what you poured your heart into that just as well. So sometimes you need to take a break.
Speaker 1:I think it's actually healthy in some cases in order to do that, especially people that are in a service role, when we are in service of others, whether it is a client or in service of our family, in service of our friends. I don't think a lot of people understand what is underneath us. People like us, because we are constantly twisting ourselves into pretzels in order to make everybody else happy and so many times we actually lose who we are along the way.
Speaker 2:I think by nature most planners are empaths.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think so, and you can get caught up in the taking care of other people not just your clients, but your family as well and forget about yourself. So that's something I didn't know in early on, and I wish I had learned that lesson earlier with you, because while I thought I was helping, parenting wise and around the house wise, I wish I knew this kind of stuff that I know now about how hard it is to be a wedding and event planner back then. I think it could have been I could have been a much better support to you back then.
Speaker 1:Oh, I really felt like you were a great support. I don't know how you could have done it much better there, but I think I'll be honest, I don't even know if I knew what I was going through because I was so deep in it, right, right, does that make sense? Like I'm not sure I even knew that I was losing myself and that I was sinking. I don't think, because I think when you're in the middle of that storm per se, you don't always realize it at the time. You're just trying to survive, right you're just treading water.
Speaker 1:You're just treading water, you're trying to survive. And so after I came out of my sabbatical if you will, your break, my break, you know I then opened yet another aspect to my busyness. So now I'm still running a wedding planning firm, planning weddings full-time, and now I open up a wedding planner certification program, an international one. So still being a mom, still being a wife, still being a daughter, still being a friend, and now I'm on this new journey and I felt rejuvenated and I felt ready to go. I felt like I Scaled my wedding planning business back to enough to where I would be able to focus Just as much energy on my wedding planner certification program. But it was a completely Interesting journey. I mean, we went from hundreds of members to now we have upwards of about 8,000 members.
Speaker 2:And at the time I remember I had my job still my corporate job and I remember us having a conversation like I Need some help here, yeah, and I made the decision to To leave that job and then join you and your venture. Yeah and it was the best decision I could make because, first of all, I liked being around you.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's sweet.
Speaker 2:I like hanging out with you too, yeah and when we were traveling to different cities doing your certification conference. I kind of like traveling, I like road trips, I like driving, always have loved long trips. Right, I don't I'm an extrovert, as you know. I love being around people and talking to people and helping people. So I loved all of those aspects about you know, joining you in your business. But I that's when it really kicked in the knowledge of what you're trying to do for the industry as a whole, for wedding planners specifically, of Treat your job professionally and give yourself the grace to you know, take that break when you need to, but also ask for help.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wanted to share with with wedding planners what my journey was, so that they didn't feel like failures when, if they ever experienced any of the same things that I was experiencing, and how sometimes you just feel like a failure. Right, you feel like it. When we can't please everybody, we feel like we're failing somehow. I felt like I was failing you. I felt like I was failing our daughter. I felt like I was failing me. I felt like I was failing my parents and failing my friends right, and you weren't failing at all.
Speaker 2:What you were doing is learning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, at every step.
Speaker 2:The only way we can fail, I think, is if we get a lesson, we have a challenge and we refuse to learn a lesson. Right, I agree, that's failure to me. Yeah just keeping doing the same thing over and over again. But you know, you've learned, you needed a break and then took off again, so it was great.
Speaker 1:I was juggling the wedding planner firm, the certification program, speaking engagements, traveling to a city after city after city, juggling all of our members and making sure that they had what they need. So when you were Now working with me since 2008 and you saw all of the things that I'm literally trying to juggle, hmm, and I feel like that probably was a little bit of a shock to you and maybe a shock to your system, because and I just said the other day, like there, there are times where I don't know Even how any of this gets done, like it's so overwhelming some of the tasks. So I am so grateful that you are now you have joined my company and you did back in 2008 because I was like I need help, I need I need to, I need some support over here Truth.
Speaker 2:if I'm gonna be honest with you, I think me joining the company complicated things in the short run because and I'm sure we'll have another podcast about the challenges of a spouse working or a Significant the other working with, yes, you know, a wedding planner. We'll get into that, okay, at another time. But what I learned through working with someone who's an event planner right.
Speaker 2:And doing thing, all the things you do in addition to event planning. Yeah, I learned that. One ball at a time. You know you talk about juggling. It's so important to just focus, micro-focus on one thing at a time and not get distracted. You know I tend to get distracted.
Speaker 1:Very easily. Yeah, and I have to. I don't have choice. I have to juggle it all, and so you and I had to learn how to work together, what works, and it was a struggle, definitely at first, and I think that we absolutely need to do an entire podcast on the struggle of working with each other, you know, in the wedding industry, because it can be whoo whoo, because here's the other part of it.
Speaker 1:I've been doing it a certain way for so long, and when a soulmate comes in, it's like, yeah, I can assist you. And then you're like, why don't we do it this?
Speaker 2:way.
Speaker 1:Why don't you do it that way? Yeah, but you don't even ask that prior to because, let's say, I'm a planner, I've already planned everything out On wedding days when you're assisting me. Sometimes you'd be like, oh no, I chose not to do that like you asked me to, or I just decided to skip it. I'm like, ah no, that's not how it can go. I'm gonna need you to go ahead and do it the way I had asked.
Speaker 2:That's great and I was a wedding efficient for many years down in Florida and I loved that and I really did. I didn't like being in a suit on the beach in the middle of August in Florida, In Florida right. Other than that, I really enjoyed it. But yeah, it is a challenge to work not only with other vendors, right, but when one of those vendors is your husband, I can imagine that was an extra challenge.
Speaker 1:As a wedding efficient. No, I loved it when you were a wedding efficient because I felt like, okay, well, at least I know this person's gonna show up on time. You're going to have a much deeper understanding of what it is that I'm gonna need. It was much more comfortable. I felt like I could actually run a rehearsal without being bulldozed. It was actually quite nice when you were the wedding efficient on any of my weddings Good. But when you were assist me as my assistant, that was where the challenge was, because I don't think, you know, I think I got fired a couple of times.
Speaker 1:Don't remember firing you. Oh, yeah, I think I would. At least the firing. I think we discussed the firing, but I deserved it.
Speaker 2:Looking back now I'm like, yeah, I should just do it. I'm just set up the table over there, Don't need to know every reason why the table goes over there.
Speaker 1:Right, just please put the table over there. I remember a story that my vice president, chrissy Thomas, told me, and she said that her husband was her assistant one day, right, and he said, okay, well, you know, can I go grab my lunch? And she's like, yeah, absolutely go eat. And so he had been gone for a while and she's like where's Chris, where is he? And she's like she finally finds him. He's just chilling out and hanging out and she's like what are you doing? He goes. Well, you told me I could eat. And he's like, yeah, but you're done eating. Get back up, get to work. Like, let's go, because a lot of times people don't understand. Like wedding planners don't sit, we don't take more than maybe a five, 10 minute break in the middle of the day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this isn't a union break. Right exactly this isn't gonna be catered by craft foods here.
Speaker 1:But it's honestly the soul mates of a wedding planner sometimes don't even understand. Like we're a rear bus and we're a rear end. We're not taking a break. We haven't even eaten yet and you're over there like under the shade with an umbrella and a fan and you're like oh, I'm sure everything is fine. Right, we're like busting it.
Speaker 2:Yep, you're chewing and walking at the same time.
Speaker 1:Always, always, yeah. So now that you see kind of what goes on in on the back end, you know you've sat through thousands of my wedding planner certification programs and I hear you say a lot Like you learned something. You hear something different and new every single time I do.
Speaker 2:I learned something new every time. You just did one and I was overhearing from my office down the hall and I'm like why did I not catch that before? Yeah, yeah, I always find it.
Speaker 1:There's always something new. But now that you've got the bigger picture and you've you're now the president of a company that actually is in business to elevate and support other wedding planners. Now you have this amazing viewpoint right.
Speaker 2:So what would my advice be to other soulmates?
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:So, yes, if I had a time machine, knowing what I know now and could go back to our early days as a couple and being married to a wedding planner, I would say that when you would come and vent to me about you know whatever, just to be a listening ear, I wish that I could just try to not give advice, just listen and just be the listening ear that you needed at the time to let you just get it off your chest, cause sometimes that's all you need, I'm knowing. Now you know, and just to understand how incredibly, how much pressure it is to be a wedding planner and how much it lies on your shoulders and just kind of just be there, I guess Be that support.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Without judgment. And.
Speaker 2:Without yeah, there's never any judgment, but I would also not just as a soulmate. I would give the advice to the wedding planner of ask for help Right when you need it and you need to vent. You know, just ask for help from your soulmate, ask for help from your fellow wedding planners. That's why the certified wedding planner society exists Exactly To offer that support.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you know, I honestly probably could have done a lot better job. I think what wedding planners are always thinking is we don't want to be a burden. We are trained to take the burdens away from our couples and then that automatically spills into our personal life. So we very rarely ever share how we really are feeling and thinking and the fact that we're in quicksand most of the time and stressed, and I really wish that I had learned how to kind of reach out a little bit earlier and say you know, I'm really, really stressed and I don't need anyone to solve this problem for me. But may I please just vent. We'll give me five minutes. I just need, I need to get all of this off my chest or yell or scream or cry.
Speaker 2:All the words, All of the words need to exit to my brain, and so and as your husband, I can tell you that in my brain I would never judge. You know, there's no judgment, there's no intention of judgment, but it does come across a little judgy sometimes if we give that look of hmm.
Speaker 1:So Like why are you? Are you really complaining about being a wedding planner where you get to pick out flowers and stuff? Like it's like, dude, it is not even close to being like that, yeah, or also the you know.
Speaker 2:So the bride was upset because it rained, or something like that. And I'm thinking, okay, like why is that? Why would I care about that? Why would you care about that?
Speaker 1:It's because of being attacked, it's because, apparently, I'm responsible for the weather. For the weather, okay. Yeah, it's. Honestly it is one of the most stressful jobs anybody could ever imagine. And it's because we're dealing with so many different personalities and so many different communication styles and all of the 5,000 details of an event that is actually going to be one of the most important events of two people's lives, where they are actually spending a significant amount of money. The pressure is real, and then you've got all of everybody else's emotions about each other that we're usually the ones who have to moderate.
Speaker 1:Sure, anybody that's been to a wedding knows that there's always family drama, always so we're always in the middle of all of that there's and plus just the millions of details that we have to keep up with cause we don't just have one client per year. All right, that's. A lot of times couples kind of forget that they are not the only couple we're dealing with at any one given time. Many wedding planners are juggling anywhere between 12 and about 45 weddings a year.
Speaker 2:So let me make sure I understand. So it's like juggling 5,000 details per client, per client and one hand, yes, juggling another 5,000 details for another client, yeah. And then you've got. You need about 12 more hands.
Speaker 1:Well, that's only if I'm having 12 clients per year. What if I have 45 per year?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it sounds like wedding planners need at least 50 hands.
Speaker 1:That's all I'm asking for. I mean, I don't think I'm asking a lot. I think we should have had additional appendages. I need more arms, more hands, additional brains, more mouths. I need no, you don't need an extra mouth. That was rude, but that's fine.
Speaker 2:But that's definitely extra hands and you could use some support from your significant yeah, definitely, if you've got a soulmate, ask them for the support.
Speaker 1:But if you can't find it there or maybe there's not a soulmate that's why the Certified Wedding Planner Society is as successful as it is is because we all get to lean on each other.
Speaker 1:We get to have the support from one another, because nobody's gonna understand you better than another wedding planner that is in your exact same situation. So True, I just think it is so lovely. I love seeing all of my members find their little wedding planner bestie within our organization, and the support and love that they give each other is overwhelming. And I get choked up on a regular basis because I see how much support each of my members give each other, and I also love being able to give additional support. I feel like I'm passing the torch of all of the knowledge that I've gained over 30 years. I'm now able to pass the torch of all of that along to them and allowing them to lean on me and learn from my failures and learn from the things that helped make me the success that I was and I think it's. I just think it's important to be patient and kind, not only with ourselves, but with each other.
Speaker 2:I agree. I think it's vitally important that wedding planners get the support they need from each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:From their family.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:From their kids.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:From their parents.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:From their friends, I agree, but especially from the person who's closest to them. They're soulmate. They're soulmate.
Speaker 1:I'm glad to be running this journey with you. I am glad to be running on this journey with you. I could not have picked a better partner. So thank you so very, very much, and thank all of you for listening to the Wedding Planner Podcast. If you're not yet a member of the Certified Wedding Planner Society, phillip and I would love to welcome you into our amazing and loving family. Simply go to our website CertifiedWeddingPlanternSocietycom and learn how you can join. Have a great day, bonded.