Over this 3-part series, we are going to tackle how personal relationship can evolve into a successful professional partnership? My husband, Philip and I embarked on this journey in the wedding planning industry and let me tell you, it was no easy ride. We braved the storm of transitioning from soulmates to professional partners with a fair share of hurdles and triumphs. But through it all, we discovered the power of communication, and the importance of understanding what goes into the process. We will be sharing our personal experiences, tips, and tricks that helped us make this journey smoother.
We dive into the intricate dynamics of working with your soulmate on the actual wedding day. Whether it's with your regular assistant or a one-off helper, having clear expectations, roles, and responsibilities are key. We'll unpack the potential power plays that can occur, and most importantly, how to prevent them. We'll also shed light on how this challenging, yet rewarding, experience can be a unique way to bond with your loved one. So, join us as we navigate through the often overlooked aspects of the wedding planning industry, one story at a time.
www.cwpsociety.com | info@cwpsociety.com | IG: @cwpsociety | FB: @cwpsociety
Over this 3-part series, we are going to tackle how personal relationship can evolve into a successful professional partnership? My husband, Philip and I embarked on this journey in the wedding planning industry and let me tell you, it was no easy ride. We braved the storm of transitioning from soulmates to professional partners with a fair share of hurdles and triumphs. But through it all, we discovered the power of communication, and the importance of understanding what goes into the process. We will be sharing our personal experiences, tips, and tricks that helped us make this journey smoother.
We dive into the intricate dynamics of working with your soulmate on the actual wedding day. Whether it's with your regular assistant or a one-off helper, having clear expectations, roles, and responsibilities are key. We'll unpack the potential power plays that can occur, and most importantly, how to prevent them. We'll also shed light on how this challenging, yet rewarding, experience can be a unique way to bond with your loved one. So, join us as we navigate through the often overlooked aspects of the wedding planning industry, one story at a time.
www.cwpsociety.com | info@cwpsociety.com | IG: @cwpsociety | FB: @cwpsociety
Welcome to the Wedding Planner podcast brought to you by the Certified Wedding Planner Society. Welcome to the Wedding Planner podcast. This is our Soulmate series and it's brought to you by the Certified Wedding Planner Society. We're the world's leading wedding planner certification program and the world's largest membership of certified wedding planners. My name is Laurie Hartwell and I'm the founder and CEO of the Certified Wedding Planner Society, and my co-host for this series of the Wedding Planner podcast is my husband and the president of the CWP Society, philip Hartwell. Hey.
Speaker 2:Laurie and welcome everyone. Today, we're going to be talking about working with your soulmate, so let's dive right in.
Speaker 1:So I think we should break this up into three different parts. This first one I would like to kind of talk about just setting up for an event. And then I think the second part would be really great to talk about, when your soulmate is your actual day of assistant on, either just a one off, or maybe it's your regular day of assistant. And then in the third part, I think we need to kind of dive into what it means and what it takes to go into business with your soulmate and some tips and tricks that you and I have learned over the years.
Speaker 1:Now, since we're going to be just talking about setting up for an event today, I think it's important to kind of mention that wedding planners, especially in the first five years of business, ask their soulmate to help with setting up an event at least one time. Now, if it goes well and no one killed each other, then a lot of times the wedding planner will ask their soulmate to help again. So let's talk about setting up events. I've asked you to set up and help me set up for events in the past, and I think the first few times were a little dicey. Can we talk about that?
Speaker 2:I think that's funny. Yeah, I was happy to do it, happy to help you. You know and love spending time with you, whatever it is we're doing. But I do think probably the way I do things might be a little more challenging.
Speaker 1:What might not be the easiest?
Speaker 2:to system.
Speaker 1:Well, I think what happens is people don't always realize what the dynamic is for a work environment when you're not used to working for your soulmate or with your soulmate and you're just kind of thrust into a situation.
Speaker 1:You would just assume that it's all going to go well, just like it would if you were heading to the mall and you went shopping in a wedding planner's brain.
Speaker 1:I don't think we have necessarily a full understanding that it's not going to go quite as smoothly when we work for the very first time with our soulmate, and I don't think our soulmate has any idea that it may not go according to plan. But I think one of the things that you and I ran into a lot in the beginning was I would hand you the floor plan and I would say okay, so if you could go out on that deck and make sure that the tables are set up and here's the floor plan I would. About an hour later I would walk out to the deck and you determined that you had a better placement for all of the tables, and so when I asked you about that, you were like, well, I just I was just kind of using my own feelings here and going with my gut and I don't think people necessarily understand how much thought and effort goes into the floor plans in the first place.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think in one case there was a table that was in the shade and I was not in a shade based on the floor plan, so I set it up in the shade and I didn't even consider the fact that. Yeah, it was in the shade then, but by the time the lighting was over it would not be in the shade.
Speaker 1:By the time the wedding began. It began exactly.
Speaker 1:So you know I was wasn't thinking all the factors in and you came to me and said just please set it up the way that the deck and the reason why that is, and I'm hoping that our wedding planners, soulmates, who are kind enough to assist us, understand that we did not throw that floor plan together on a win. A lot of factors played a role. Number one I've thought out every single thing. I know where the guests are going to be passing by the. I know the standard thoroughfare. I also know where my clients want this table. I know where the venue prefers to have this table. I also know where the sun is going to be at a certain specific time. Like so much effort and thought goes into it. So when I walked out onto that back deck and none of the tables were set where the floor plan provided, and big trouble.
Speaker 1:Well, I wouldn't see big trouble. You were asked why you didn't just do what the floor plan was. Do you remember what you said to me?
Speaker 2:I don't remember I might have liked it. I might have liked it.
Speaker 1:This was you know 27, some on years ago.
Speaker 2:So I think that's about 26 years and 364 days passed, I remember, but anyway you were like well, what did that matter?
Speaker 1:Why did it matter? I placed them where I thought I should place them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the table is the deck, you know? Yeah, they're out here.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I think it's really important for wedding planners and their soulmates to have a sit down and talk about the why. What I learned about you, phil, is you needed to understand the why before wedding day. It wasn't enough for me to just say these are where I need things to be. Thank you so much for your assistance. It was more of you needed to know why. You needed to know all the backstory.
Speaker 2:So were you find maintenance, you didn't know where the tables are manufactured. What kind of? What are these tables made of? We don't go that far, but you're right. You're right, just a little bit of communication ahead of time.
Speaker 1:Well, for you. It was a lot of bit of communication, yeah, and so more than I have to give any other assistance, I understand Well. So I'm difficult. I guess it's hard to find free labor.
Speaker 2:You know they mean it. And then what's the place? You did Like my point to you Definitely go to pay for for sure.
Speaker 1:So I think it's important to make sure that you, first and foremost, know who your soulmate is, know how they communicate, and I think when you're working with someone so close to you, you've got to have a plan going in. You have to sit down and maybe go into even more rules of engagement, if you will.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think too, one of the things I needed to learn about setup and also wedding days was, you know, my typical MO around you within our friends and colleagues is I'm the jokester and I'm kind of kidding around and I'm always making life and making fun of what's going on. And while there is room for that you know, limited there's really not a lot of extra space or time for all that joking around, you know, like I normally do, so I needed to learn how to like switch into okay, let's switch into pro mode. I'm just going to set this up and do this thing. That goes there. You know, what else can I do and kind of keep it a little more professional, yeah, and then, after we're set up and we're out to dinner or whatever, that's the time to practice, yeah it's be a cut out.
Speaker 1:I like when you're joking all the time, but it's well, I'm a funny guy.
Speaker 2:I mean, let's not hit ourselves.
Speaker 1:But it is so important. I think you touched on something there. I think it is wise for the soulmate of the wedding planner to ask what kind of attitude should I be coming at this with? It is, I think a lot of times people don't take what we do seriously, but we are rated the third most stressful job in the world. Maybe it's because we all work with our soulmates and our soulmates to help us. It just adds another layer of stress.
Speaker 2:So what I hear you saying is that soulmates are the least paid free assistance in the world.
Speaker 1:That's 100% true. You guys are not paid. We try to pay you in love, but then you go and put the tables all in the wrong places and it's very difficult to pay you, very difficult. So, anywho, I just think that extra level of communication, that extra level of consideration of what to expect, how do we deal with one another? How are we supposed to interact with one another on wedding day?
Speaker 1:And every wedding day has a lead. That lead planner is the person who has all the weight on their shoulders. They are carrying all of the responsibility. That responsibility goes all the way down to where is that one table placed out on the deck? And so it is so, so, vitally important that, no matter who your assistant is, but especially if it's going to be your soulmate, I think it's so important to have the conversations about all right, this is where the tables are going to be going, this is what you're going to be in charge of. Here's why I need you to do it this way, just going into it. But what happens when you're dealing with your soulmate, like when I had to say to you the tables aren't placed in the right location, what happened?
Speaker 2:You kind of took offense to it, and it can be a very difficult dynamic, that yeah if I could go back in time I'd say, you know, just like in a kitchen, there's a chef, there's the chef who's kind of in charge of expediting everything, and then there's dishwashers, and then there's prep cooks and then there's sous chefs and there's there's different levels of assistance that happen to make a dish, but ultimately that chef is in charge of making sure that dish looks great before it heads out to the table. And I didn't realize, on that day I was kind of a dishwasher. I thought I was the assistant to the head chef. That day, you know, as your husband. They thought oh, you know, maybe I have a little more say in where this stuff goes. And just knowing your place I guess as an assistant would be easier. I thought I got instantly commenced, I guess, to assistant head chef.
Speaker 1:I think, when you have more involvement in the planning aspect. But I just needed you to help me set up for that one wedding. I just needed you for a few hours.
Speaker 2:You're in, you're out, no complications. You weren't asking for any extra.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm never asking for extra complications. Just so we're clear.
Speaker 2:Let's see, I want to literally bring the complications. You know, I do remember like the first time of course was a little rough, but then through the years, as I kind of helped you on different things, on different levels, you know, we kind of figured out a way to. I just put myself in a different mindset on set up and on wedding days and tear down. You know, I just put myself in a different mindset. Which was, which was just I'm not, I'm not husband right now, and that's really how I had to look at it For me. I look at projects on a case by case basis and I guess, as a man, maybe I identify myself with my job a little bit too much. Perhaps that's part of my problem. I'm working through that.
Speaker 1:Well, that's interesting. That's it. Now. We're going really deep. I didn't know if we were going to get this deep. There you go.
Speaker 2:So I mean it's all for the cause. Nobody's higher or lower than anybody.
Speaker 1:Everybody's on the same team, but we all have our roles to play Exactly, and so my role because I had been intricately involved in the planning process for a year, sometimes a year and a half. By the time I get to wedding day, everything's already been thought out, all decisions have already been made, and I don't really have a whole lot of time on a wedding day to go into all of the wise.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, it's a challenge. I'm glad we got past that and we've had a ton of great events that we've worked together. It's been a lot of fun. Of course it's a lot of hard work, but it is fun to be working hard or be in the middle of things and then look up and see your significant other, your soul, across the room doing their thing and just kind of put a smile on your face like, yeah, we're doing this together. This is great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I really enjoyed working with you when you weren't complicating things, but I did. I enjoyed working with you and having you around, because there was a time where I was gone every weekend and this was our way of being together, even though I had to work. And that's really kind of the beautiful thing about owning your own business. As a wedding planner, you can work with whomever you wish you know, and that's a very nice added benefit, I would say. But you have to make sure that you and your soulmate work well together, or that it can work. Otherwise, wedding days are going to become a fight and a struggle. So if there is a power play going on, that is going to be a very bad situation, and I think this is gonna be probably a common piece that we're gonna tie into all three parts of this particular series.
Speaker 2:I don't know how to explain it. You shouldn't really be challenged by your own soulmate on something simple like that.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's why I think you have to make sure that there's some rules of engagement before you work with your soulmate on any given job or event. So letting them know, and what I had to let you know, what I have to do is I have to get this job done, and in order for me to get the job done, I'm going to have to get right to the point, because I've got massive time constraints and so if I say, hey, phil, I'm gonna need that table moved over 10 feet, I don't have time in that exact moment to tell you all the reasons why I need that table moved and I just need it moved.
Speaker 2:We can discuss it at dinner afterwards Over a glass of wine. There you go, yes.
Speaker 1:I think that that's the main thing that has to kind of get across, and it's no disrespect to one person or another.
Speaker 2:We are under an enormous amount of time constraints yeah, I think to answer your question in a more succinct way, because I do tend to go around the bush to answer a question. But to answer, I think, part of the challenge is, for example, for you and me. Let's say, my truck was broken down and we decided we want to buy a new truck. Right, I wouldn't just go online and buy a new truck without discussing it with you. We're kind of going through the pros and cons and this and that Because we're partners Right, we're partners. So in our marriage we're partners and we make all the major decisions together.
Speaker 2:So that's kind of what you're used to as a soulmate with another person when it comes to mowing the lawn or buying a truck or the basic stuff around, do we need a new roof? Who would we go to where? But and then when you're working together on a project that has nothing to do with a personal thing this is strictly a business thing you go into it maybe expecting I'm just speculating, because this is how I came into it. When I first started helping you on the projects, I just expected that I would have equal say in the procedure, making process of all these little details. And what I'm hearing you say is, yeah, you had already made all the you know, figured all that out with your couple and with the vendors and the venue, and all that I've already been done many times, months, maybe years in advance. So all I needed to do was be an assistant on that day.
Speaker 1:A wedding day is just about execution. I've previously planned the decision.
Speaker 2:Hopefully not the execution of your whole.
Speaker 1:Oh God, but yeah, but I love that you said that, because you're right. A lot of couples are definitely used to making co-decisions, but on wedding days, the decisions, like you said, have already been made. Now it's time for me you, my team to execute all of the plans and to make sure that we are bringing that vision to life. It is not the time to make brand new plans, brand new decisions, unless a problem arises. Now, on wedding days and during setups, problems arise and what the lead wedding planner needs at that moment is team players. I think it's important for we, as lead planners, to understand who we're soulmates with. Sure, and so I think, because we were so young at the time I mean, I was practically an infant when I started planning weddings we did not necessarily understand and know each other as well as we could have, just so that we can give some context for people. You and I met and married within three weeks.
Speaker 2:Yes, we did.
Speaker 1:That's. We're not saying we recommend that. We're saying we lucked out, we got very, very lucky that it turned out as well as it did. 27 years now, 27 years later, yes, here we are, and when you first started helping me with weddings, I can honestly say that I did not necessarily have all of the knowledge that I needed on how to work specifically with you.
Speaker 2:You were wishing that we'd stayed longer than three weeks.
Speaker 1:I just had wished that I had maybe had better communication with you prior to wedding day. Sure, it's all about.
Speaker 2:it's hard enough being a newlywed couple and all of that. But you're right, and it's all about communication. It is Whether it's with your soulmate. It's all about communication, so yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we learned a lot. We learned a lot. So the moral of the story here is to make sure that when a lead planner asks the soulmate to help with set up for an event, to have some great communications, put some ground rules in. I want you to know that I'm in the zone on wedding day. You can make sure that you aren't hurting anybody else's feelings and that there's not going to be any pushback in the middle of an already stressful moment, because if you wait to have those conversations for the day of the event, oh, that's not gonna go well.
Speaker 2:That's not McTown and drama you wanna bring. You don't wanna bring any drama.
Speaker 1:There's no wordy enough drama. So set up requires great communication and the soulmate of the planner needs to understand that all decisions have already been made and when you're handed a floor plan to just kind of go with the flow. If you have questions, please definitely ask, but for the most part, just follow the list that you're given and I'm gonna follow the list that I created for myself, because we all have so many jobs to do on the wedding day. Let's make things easier on each other rather than harder on each other.
Speaker 2:I love it yeah.
Speaker 1:So thank you, guys for listening to the Wedding Planner podcast, and if you're not yet a member of the Certified Wedding Planner Society, we would love to welcome you into our amazing and loving family. Simply go to our website certifiedweddingplanerssocietycom and you can learn how to join, and I'll see you guys next time.