Beyond Timelines: The Real Work Behind Multi-Family Wedding Planning

Weddings with rich traditions don’t just need timelines—they need translators. In this episode, Certified Wedding Planner and Certified Educator, Rima Shah joins CWP Society COO, Krisy Thomas to unpack the real work behind South Asian weddings: navigating multiple families, aligning expectations across generations, and setting boundaries that protect joy without steamrolling culture. From the first consultation to the final site visit, we share scripts, policies, and small shifts in language that build trust with parents and elders who may be new to professional planning.

Rima walks us through the moments where things commonly go sideways—delegated catering oversight, competing design visions, and last-minute ritual requests—and shows how a single-point-of-contact policy, clearly defined roles, and genuine listening turn potential conflict into collaboration. You’ll hear how reframing a single decor element preserved a couple’s one big ask while making a mother proud, and how patient, active listening on a tense call revealed the true concern hiding beneath a list of demands: honoring a simple favor tradition at the right time.

If you’re a wedding planner working with South Asian families—or any event with layered traditions—this conversation gives you practical strategies to reduce friction: involve key family members early, document decisions, adapt to personality types, and connect every choice to what elders value most—respect, hospitality, and meaningful ritual. The result? Events that feel seamless to guests and deeply seen by family.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You're listening to the Wedding Planner Society podcast, brought to you by the CWP Society.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Welcome back to the Wedding Planner Society podcast, brought to you by the CWP Society, the world's largest membership of certified wedding planners and professionals. I'm Chrissy Thomas, the COO of the CWP Society, and I want to talk today about South Asian weddings because they are beautifully rich and vibrant, but they also involve multiple families, extended relatives, and deep cultural traditions that can make both the planning incredibly rewarding and at times complex. How do planners honor the couple's vision while navigating family expectations? How do you communicate effectively, managing extended family input and maintain those professional boundaries? To help us answer these questions, I'm thrilled to welcome back Rima Shaw. Rima is a certified wedding planner and certified educator who specializes in South Asian weddings and has years of experiences managing these multiple family, multi-day celebrations with grace and professionalism. She's here to share her insights, some stories, of course, and strategies so that planners listening can competently navigate these dynamics and deliver an unforgettable experience for the couple and their families. Remo, welcome back to the podcast. It's always a pleasure to have you.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Thank you so much for having me. It's always great to be back and again, really excited for this topic today.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

I am too. And you know, when it comes to South Asian weddings, they often involve, again, like I mentioned, multiple families and extended relatives. How does this shape the planning process compared to other weddings?

SPEAKER_00 1:45

So, really good question. It definitely has us thinking a little bit more about being a little bit more proactive or even just stepping up our communication skills in general. So it's really, it really just starts at the beginning, right? Um, asking the couple, hey, which family members are going to take a more active role in the planning process or who is significant to the planning process. And we want to involve them from the very beginning, right? Um, it's much easier. It helps us keep on the same page as well. And again, just avoiding any like bumps or surprises or anything like that down the road. So I really like to make sure that, you know, um, when parents are involved, or even like aunts or uncles, siblings, um, get them involved from the very beginning and communicate to them clearly, just like I am with the couple about the same expectation, communication boundaries, um, all the policies that we have. I mean, I have them sit in on my very first welcome call as soon as we get started. So that way everything is clear and understood from the very beginning. And that way, if they also have questions, they're able to ask me and, you know, talk to me directly, especially at that first initial conversation.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

I'm so sorry that you do that, Remo, because the whole purpose of that meeting is honestly it is to set expectations. And you know, traditionally with our other weddings, that those may just be for our couple and potentially just their just their parents. Yeah. Whereas South Asian weddings, it's not just going to be the couple and their parents, it could be multiple people who are going to be involved in the planning process. And if you are going to be setting those expectations for everyone who's involved, then having them be a part of this meeting is essential.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

It is. And sometimes it might be one of those things where they might not even know, right? Like, so that's also presents kind of a little bit of a fun challenge, I guess, for us as planners. Um, where you know, where the couple may initially be like, well, parents aren't involved. We are the ones who are taking the lead. But you may notice as you start planning with them and you start that, oh, hey, I need to check with mom or I need to have this conversation with parents. And what that really tells me is, okay, well, then parents need to be involved in this planning process as well. Yeah. So that way I also am understanding the questions, and that way my couple isn't playing a middleman between us. And a lot of times it's like things may get lost in translation, right?

SPEAKER_01 4:27

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing. I literally pictured a couple in the middle between you and the parents, and then languages and you know, just conversations getting twisted, basically playing a game on telephone when children be involved. Let's just have them be involved. Let's just have them be a part of these meetings and these appointments, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Exactly. It just makes it clear for all of us, and also at the end of the day, parents are even more happy because they're like, oh, hey, Rima or our planner is really here. She's listening to us. Um, we're able to reach out to her and communicate to her if we have these questions or concerns.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Yeah. And I want to ask you, Rima, when it comes to dealing with families, what are some of the most common challenges that maybe you face when it comes to the family and the community expectations during the planning process or just in general?

SPEAKER_00 5:23

Yeah. So there are quite a few things. Um, and I'm gonna try to hit maybe like the top three, right? To really uh that are some common, common challenges. So although it's a lot more common nowadays, obviously, to have wedding planners or at least coordinators involved in South Asian weddings, it's still a fairly new concept in the community, or for honestly, like our or I would say my parents' generation, or even in obviously people older than them and stuff. And so a lot of the times they feel like, oh, how can we trust this person? How do we know that hey, everything's gonna be taken care of? Because traditionally, it may have just been their other family members taking care of things, designating, delegating, all that good stuff. But this is bringing it to a professional level. And so sometimes it's hard for parents or family members to really have, or at least initially have that trust in you. And so it's just an educational process, right? It's my job to make sure that they do end up being clear or uncomfortable with me at the end of the day. I'm handling this huge investment, this huge memory for them. They need to feel 100%. So, like oftentimes, I mean fun fact, today I just had a consultation in the morning where brides said, Hey, well, I do need to discuss with all our parents, they're gonna be involved in the planning process. And of course, I'm like, that's not a problem. I'm gonna send you a link for my follow-up call. If your parents want to get on that call and ask me questions directly, or if uh your future in-laws want to hop on that call and ask me questions directly, feel free to invite them in. It's it's really important to establish that you want to work with the parents because that's really what it is. We all have the same goal. Um, it's really just building that trust and foundation.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Yeah. Do you find with this particular situation that you had this morning with the consult that they told you after the fact that, oh, I need to talk to my parents about it? Do you do you try to basically stop that from happening by saying, let's go ahead and invite them on the call now or in preparation for it, like in scheduling this meeting, if your parents are going to be involved, please go ahead and send them the invite link as well.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Yeah, yes, definitely. I like to um even on my like consultation forum. If people want to just go ahead and schedule or something, it's a part of the form of, hey, who all do you want to be a part of this call? Um, it just, you know, and even then I shoot out an email. Hey, if anyone else wants to jump on it, feel free to share this link with them. It's open. It's just about establishing that communication and making it clear to them that, hey, they're we're here, we're here to help them get the job done and make sure you have an amazing weekend.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

Yeah, absolutely. How do you approach situations where the couple's vision conflicts with the family expectations, especially when you know, when I think about, you know, what you refer to as white dress weddings, the family expectations usually just the parents. Whereas with this situation, it's not just the parents, but it's the aunts, it's the uncles, it may be the cousins. It's a lot of communication, obviously, but a lot of heavy expectations that are put on the couple, a lot of different opinions, really. How do you handle that?

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Honestly, it is a lot because they do have to consider, you know, okay, well, these are aunts and uncles, these are elders, uh, and certain things we do have to talk to them. And it does become a point of stress for couples too, because they might not want to do everything a certain way or whatever. It's all about balance and compromise, and you know, then really understanding, okay, what are what is important for mom, dad, or XYZ family member, and then bride groom, what is like the priority and stuff, and really trying to find a balance in that. It's hard. It's never not going to be easy. That's probably like the biggest thing. I will just give an example of a couple and the mother of the bride that I had um a little while ago. And this is a case of how I kind of explained where first couple was like, it's just us planning, and then slowly became the mother of the bride, truly being the main client at the end of the day. Um, and it is what it is, but the couples genuinely they only wanted, they had one big ask that they wanted this decor piece for an event. And literally everything else, mom, it was mom's ideas, da-da-da-da-da. So I really had to just have kind of a separate phone call conversation with her where I was like, hey, like, can you tell me why you don't like this idea or what you would want in place of it? And she was just like, it doesn't even make sense, da-da-da-da-da. And I was like, okay, I get that. But how about this? Like, this is also gonna create kind of like a full-rounded design feature, right? It's not just oh, a random piece. It's going to be incorporated with the design in a way that like it's actually going to be integral to your photo and video, and and these certain uh elements that, hey, in case you didn't remember, we, you know, I just want to let you know why else this would be helpful to have this beyond it just being bride and groom's ass, right? Then yeah, and then it's kind of a little bit you gotta cajole a little bit, you gotta, you know, you're talking to mom, you gotta kind of sweeten her up a little bit and be like, you know, mom, everything is your design, which we love. This one thing has just been the one thing that bridegroom have been talking about since we started. You know, it's gonna look beautiful. I promise you're gonna be happy about it as well. How about it?

SPEAKER_01 11:30

You know, yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

She did at the end of the day after that call. She's like, Okay, Rima, yes, you're right. That is the only thing that they've asked for. We'll do it.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

But you know what? It it just does it take a little bit of extra effort or extra time. Yes, it's worth it though. Yeah, um, and at the end of the day, she was actually really happy that we had that element in there because she was like, Oh, yeah, you were right. Like, I'm so glad that there isn't like the exit sign behind the couple's head the whole time. Now we have this beautiful piece of decor instead.

SPEAKER_01 12:07

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

It just goes along with it.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

I think that's yeah, I think that stims to the communication, how important that is, but also you talking, it made it also made me think about the importance of how to communicate based off who's in front of you. And that's one big thing that we talk about within CWP and especially within our master program, is the personality types and why it's so important. Because so much of our job is how is communication. But the way that you probably would have talked to that couple about this piece would have been very different from how you talked to mom. And you mentioned that and you adapted to knowing, okay, how can I basically speak mom's language that way? She understands the importance of this. And you know, you didn't go at it in a way where it wouldn't have worked for her personality. That's I think that's so important, not just with obviously South Asian weddings, but all wedding planning. Yeah, who we're in front of and how we communicate with them is important, and that's why it's another, it's really important that we get to know these people, that we get to understand them, their personality, their values, and then we can then in turn communicate with them in a way that's they're gonna be able to actually hear what we're saying. I love I love that story. Thank you for sharing that, Rima. How do you manage extended family members who want to take control of certain aspects of the wedding, whether it's from vendor choices to even the rituals that take place for the wedding weekend?

SPEAKER_00 13:31

So this is a fun one. It's gonna happen probably almost every single wedding. I not maybe not every single one. I don't want to say that. A lot you're gonna see it come up. Um, it's common that family or parents in particular want to delegate certain family members to oversee certain vendors. Okay. Um, biggest thing, catering. Food is really important to our culture. Um, food's important in general, right? We love yummy food. Uh, for South Asian weddings, it just goes an extra mile and a half. Food is so important. If everything else is just the worst thing in the world, but the food is good, okay, fine. You know, food was great. We love it. Um, we'll figure the rest out later, but the food was amazing. Um, that is one, I would say that is the one very common uh vendor that families want to delegate um people or other guests out as to oversee that vendor, whether it be the weekend of or from the very beginning. Uh with this, I always remind them of my single point of contact vendor or single point of contact policy, where hey, I am going to be the single point of contact. I love that you want to be involved. I'll include you in meetings and conversations, of course. But the weekend of my team and I are gonna manage it. There will be resistance. There sometimes it will happen where they don't always want to, you know. Again, it comes down to hey, how can I trust that you and your team are going to handle it? I get it. I hear them. I just always like to say, you're paying us to do this, right? I mean, beyond just that, like we work for you. I don't work for anyone else, I don't work for any vendor. My job is to make sure that every aspect of your wedding, including catering, is executed perfect, right? Like to the contract, to your vision and what we need. Um, and beyond that, too, I always like to, and sometimes you just have to kind of lay down, you know, the boundary, lay down your policy and really say that, okay, well, if XYZ uncle does want to take care of the catering, please note that then from this point forward, my team and I cannot be responsible and won't be responsible for anything to do with that vendor. And then I, if you agree to if you know, that's fine. Let me know. I can let that vendor and the venue and whoever else I need to, I can let them know that this is the point of contact for catering. Um, then they oftentimes realize that like never mind, we don't dress up after all with that. Yes. Uh they then they're like, uh, okay, no, we don't want to be the ones taking the phone calls and waking uh or early to make sure breakfast is or whatever it is, right? Um, so they they understand uh you know, it's all it's all about educating them, to be honest. That's really what it boils down to is really just uh understanding their concerns, listening, and it's really about listening to them. At the end of the day, what I feel or what I've found most is really that like they want to feel you know that they're being heard, that their concerns are being heard, and not just like, oh yeah, we got this, don't worry. Like they uncles, especially, my uncles especially, they will always start off really, really just like, we don't trust you, Rima. Da-da-da-da-da. Let me tell you, by the end of the weekend, they're my number one fans. They're the ones giving me a pat on the back as we're checking out of the hotel. Oh my gosh, Rima, you know, beta means child. So they'll be like, oh, beta, you did a good job. Or and and to the point where like now I have an uncle do family weddings, and this uncle now just like gives me a call a week before. He's like, Hey Rima. I go, Hey uncle, I'll see you next week. Yeah, and that's it. And like, but it started off where he was the uncle who was like, he was the one who's like, I'm gonna handle everything catering. And I was like, Well, uncle, then we can't do nothing about it. I'm sorry, but we can't handle it, then you'll be responsible. And he changed his mind, trusted us, and now he like refers us to everyone.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

I think that's because again, back to how you communicate, and you mentioned this, and it honestly it made me think of a podcast recording that I had with one of our wonderful start-find educators, Emma, when it comes to her working with church coordinators, and how it's almost that resistance, but it's it's built on him probably experiencing, let's say, another wedding with another with another family member, where the planner either was just like, I don't want to hear your thoughts or your opinions, brushed him off. No, I'm gonna do it. I'll got it. Please know your role, take a step back. So probably how what Emma mentioned, how church coordinators are often treated, versus listening to their concerns, recognizing where their feelings are, understanding what their role is, but then also figuring out a way of okay, I hear you, but let me let me talk to you this way or let me explain it this way. You're let me understand, let me tell you and teach you what it is that I'm going to do to address those concerns that you may have. That to them, it plants the seeds of trust, like you mentioned. It plants the seeds of I'm not being ignored. Exactly. And I feel like that in turn turns into an appreciation, which that allows you to be able to do your job. And then you get those pats on the back. And I'll see you at the next wedding. I'm gonna recommend you all the time because at the end of the day, you respected them. I think that it boils down to all about your communication skills and recognizing that for sure.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

100%. And uh and I really just at the end of the day, we're all on the same team. Uncles, mom, dad, us, we all have the same goal is to get these people married and have them make them have like the most wonderful weekend ever. And really truly coming from that intention, like it's coming from that point of intention, and really just not it's for us, it feels because we do this all the time. It's like, oh yeah, how do they not realize it? Yeah, but it's it's not about that thing. It's it's when we approach it from that kind of more of a negative viewpoint, uh, they can tell it or it becomes kind of argumentative and non-productive, and that's not the vibe that you also want them to have for this wedding, right? And so coming from it from that like positive intention, which really it is, is we are super excited to create a beautiful weekend, and we're here to help you make it happen. Let's make it happen together as a team rather than you guys versus vendor. Because that's not what it is.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Exactly. That's not what it is at all. And I do it, it's not a Rima podcast without a story. Since we're talking about communication, can you share a story where strong communication helped prevent conflict, or maybe it you know was able to ease tension within a situation with the family?

SPEAKER_00 21:02

Definitely. So, one example off the top of my head that comes up is this really sweet couple, um, where parents, uh, parents of the bride were ex were involved from the very get-go. Really, really wonderful people. Parents of the groom, also really great. They didn't, you know, they weren't financially contributing as much, and they didn't, you know, Ma, uh, parents of the bride, couple, even the groom made it very clear that hey, there are going to be certain things that they have to say on, and I'll we'll let you know what their like wants are, whatever it is, but they're not gonna be contributing more than that. They're not gonna be, we don't want you to add them to conversations, whatever. So that was very clear. It there was no bumps or anything. We get to the final site visit, and you know, groom is like, well, Rima, my dad really wants to, he's like concerned about this one thing, and he really wants to talk about it because we're all here, right?

unknown 22:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:07

Um, parents of the groom were not there, so it was a call-in. Um, but sit down. Um, parents of the bride are there, and they're like, Rima, they're going to want like to add a lot of things in or certain like just rituals or whatever that we don't want to do. We haven't discussed, like, they've been very forceful about certain things, da-da-da-da-da. So just don't like agree to anything. Like, and I was like, Don't worry, I got it right. Already could sense that, like, a little bit. Yeah, and I'm like, okay, now I have an audience of the bride and the groom and the mother, the bride father, or the bride, as I'm like doing a phone conversation with the groom's parents on a conference call. So I'm doing this, and honestly, I just let dad talk. I just let the groom's dad talk. I was like, hey, I understand that you have a few things on your mind. We're all here together. What's up? What's on your mind? And he's talking and he, you know, goes through X, Y, Z things, which are fine. And then he comes down to like something about favors or something wanting to be passed out, and da-da-da-da. So essentially, like after hearing him talk, you know that the real issue was this favor situation or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 23:34

Probably lots of conversations to boil it down to. Okay, this is exactly.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

It's really about listening and just really hearing about okay, well, he keeps referring back to these certain favors or like the logistics of this, certain favors, or how the favors are gonna work, or who's gonna be doing them. So it it that was basically the main issue. So really isolating that and then okay, well, Uncle, what I'm really hearing is that these favors you want us to basically pass out or have certain people pass it out at a certain time. That's a non-issue. Just let us know at what point when we have the conversation with the priest and go over the entire wedding ceremony and the steps. You can let me know at that point where you want um certain things passed out. And you know, you have a list of designated people. That's cool. You can give this to us and we'll um make it happen. And that was it. The father of the bride was so uh kind of stunned. He's like, Rema, you're a really good listener. He's like, every time, like I based off this conversation, it just it is I am assuming, but yeah, he told me that every time they've all had to have a conversation, it's just butting heads, butting heads, because the real concern is not being addressed, or the real thing that's on maybe his mind isn't really being addressed, and it's maybe other, you know, it's just yeah, it probably opened up the door to other conversations that it's like this is not what we're fighting about. Like, what we see is at hand exactly, and so just again, it's really about just listening when it comes, a lot of times, especially South Asian parents, they really want to feel like they are being heard, yeah, that their concerns are being addressed, and it's like every parent, right? Like this is not anything outside the bounds, but culture does play a huge role. So sometimes also it's also having conversations like, okay, well, mom, dad, have you made sure that all of your traditions and stuff that you need to include um are being included? Have you talked to the right family members uh to just make sure that everything that you guys want or that you traditionally do in your family is being uh considered? And so again, it's just having those certain conversations, having and just really listening.

SPEAKER_01 26:03

Josh, this always reminds me of is the fact that as wedding planners, we genuinely do so much more, I think, than people realize. When you think about the how the father of the Bible was like, gosh, Rima, you are such a good listener. Like we've all like every time we have this conversation, we're exciting. It just shows you that what we do is so much more than timelines and checklists. What we do at the core of our job, it's it's communication, it's understanding people, it's being respectful of that. It's it's again, like you said, it's making sure that at the end of the day, when our overall goal is for our couples to have a phenomenal day, that goes beyond just timelines and checklists. That goes beyond just being organized. It made me think of how, you know, and I don't think people mean this as an insult, but sometimes it comes across as an insult when someone's like, Oh, I can be a wedding hunter, I'm really organized. And it's like, yes, organization did not help you with this conversation at all. Knowing how to listen, knowing how to communicate, understanding the culture, understanding their personality, understanding the dynamics of your culture in general, it's so much more. It is so much more. So I'm glad that you shared that story because I think whether you're planning a South Asian wedding or a white-dressed wedding, you could take that and learn from that completely.

SPEAKER_00 27:16

For sure. It's again, um, we're all on the same, we all have one mission, we all have one goal. And between honoring traditions and, you know, really having a clear understanding of whose roles are what, you can make magic happen.

unknown 27:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

Well, Rem, before we wrap up, I do want to ask you one last question. What proactive steps can planners take before the wedding to set expectations with the family and avoid surprises? And so this might just sum up everything you've already said, basically, really.

SPEAKER_00 27:46

Yeah, basically, right? It's it's starting at the consultation, the very first step, whether it's consultation or intake form, whatever you have, but it starts from there. And again, just having that involvement throughout and making sure that you're checking in with your couple throughout to make sure that, hey, are parents involved? Or hey, do you want to involve your parents even in this certain element, like maybe a religious aspect or whatever it is? So it's really just you know, starting from the beginning, setting those boundaries as a business owner, as a wedding professional, and communicating that from the beginning and throughout, and just maintaining that transparency. And if you do that, I mean, honestly, they they love you at the end of the day. So that's all they want. They they want to be, they want to know what's going on. They want to, you know, make sure that you're up to par to be able to handle this big weekend as well. So I get it. I mean, if it was my daughter or son's wedding, I would feel the same way.

SPEAKER_01 28:51

Absolutely, absolutely. Well, Rima, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your experience, your insight into communication, cultural understanding, and family dynamics is exactly what sets certified wedding planners apart. We don't just plan weddings, we guide families through one of the most meaningful moments of their lives with empathy, professionalism, and grace. So if you are listening today and want to feel the same confidence when navigating complex cultural or family situations, this is your sign. Become a certified wedding planner through the CWP Society because it doesn't just give you the education, it gives you a community. You'll gain access to proven strategies, mentorship, and a network of professionals who understand exactly what you're facing. So take the next step in your career. Visit CWPSociety.com and learn how you can become part of the world's largest membership of certified wedding planners and professionals. Your growth, your credibility, and your future as a planner start there. Rima, thank you again for always being a choice to talk to.

SPEAKER_00 29:49

Thank you so much for having me, and I can't wait for the next time. Absolutely.