Wedding Planner Society Podcast

Why Your Content Might Be Costing You Clients

Laurie Hartwell & Krisy Thomas - CWP Society Season 5 Episode 15

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There's a fine line between marketing yourself and accidentally making yourself obsolete. Most planners cross it every week without realizing it.

In this episode, CWP Society Founder and CEO Laurie Hartwell and Senior Educator Krisy Thomas sit down together to dig into what they're calling "planner code" — the professional responsibility we all share to protect the value of wedding planning and coordination. Because oversharing doesn't just hurt one business. It erodes pricing and trust across the entire profession.

They walk through the three places planners most often give away the milk for free: social media content (Reels, TikTok, captions), sales consultations, and blog posts or website resources. If you've ever posted "how to build the perfect wedding timeline," handed a vendor list to a prospect mid-consult, or published a full planning guide on your website — you'll recognize the pattern. Couples see repeated how-to content, assume planning is simple, push back on fees, and then end up overwhelmed when the real complexity shows up.

Then the conversation shifts to what you can do differently — starting today. Laurie shares her golden rule for wedding planner marketing: Inspire and Intrigue. Don't Instruct and Complete. You'll hear examples of content angles that build desire without giving away your process, a four-question filter to run before you post, and Krisy's consultation framework for showcasing your value while keeping your most essential services firmly inside the contract.

www.cwpsociety.com | info@cwpsociety.com | IG: @cwpsociety | FB: @cwpsociety

SPEAKER_01

Hey everyone, welcome back to the Wedding Planner Society podcast. I'm Chrissy Thomas, Senior Educator here at the CWP Society, and I am joined with our wonderful founder and CEO, Lori Hartwell. And today we are diving into a topic that honestly keeps us both up at night because of what it's actually doing to our industry.

SPEAKER_02

It really does, Chrissy. And we're actually doing a reboot of one of our most popular episodes, but with an updated focus that's even more critical now than when we first talked about it.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. So today we're playing off with a phrase that we've all heard: why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? But we're rephrasing it for the webbing industry.

SPEAKER_02

So now let's say, why get a planner?

SPEAKER_01

If you can get the information for free.

SPEAKER_02

And before anyone listening thinks, now wait a second, what are they talking about? Let me be really clear. We're talking about something that affects every single one of us in this profession.

SPEAKER_01

Guys, we're talking about planner code. We're talking about oversharing, and we're talking about how it's actually eroding the integrity and the value of our entire industry, not just your business, but all of our businesses collectively.

SPEAKER_02

So let's dive in. When we talk about planner code, what do we mean?

SPEAKER_01

So planner code is the unspoken professional agreement that we don't undercut each other by teaching couples to do our jobs. It's the understanding that when one of us gives away too much, it doesn't just hurt the one planner. In fact, it hurts all of us. It's about watching out for each other and protecting the value that our industry possesses.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I agree. And here's what I want to make sure that everyone listening understands. This isn't about, you know, being selfish or gatekeeping. This is more about recognizing that we have a collective responsibility to protect what makes our profession so valuable. So when we violate this planner code that we're talking about today, we're not just talking our you know ourselves out of bookings. What we're doing really is we're undermining the value that every single wedding planner and coordinator possesses.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly, Lori. And and for our CABP Society certified members, whether you're certified or master certified, this goes just beyond the planner code because when you become certified, you actually signed an agreement that you would uphold industry standards that protect the value of the professional wedding planning and coordination services.

SPEAKER_02

100%. And part of that agreement specifically addresses this issue. I mean, it acknowledges that everything that our members do and say can actually impact both the wedding industry and the CWP society. So we're actively working to prevent planners from unintentionally sharing misinformation or maybe providing guidance based solely on individual experience rather than industry standards as a whole.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and that's the tricky part about that too, Lori, because once you go through certification and you learn our frameworks, the systems, and best practices, guys, you can't unlearn them. You know, they eventually become a part of how you think, how you work. So when you believe that you're just sharing from your own experience, you're likely incorporating what you also learned through CWP Society without you even realizing it.

SPEAKER_02

Which means you really do need to be very, very mindful about what you are saying publicly. Because you might actually be sharing proprietary intellectual property without even knowing it and just sharing things that you shouldn't be, because it does undervalue us as an industry.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, exactly. So let's talk about where this is happening, where planners are giving away the quote milk for free. And the first big area is social media. You know, social media allows us to share wedding content. We can showcase ourselves and educate our followers, kind of telling them that we're the expert in our field. You know, when I think about it with Instagram, Reels, TikTok, because video content is king. Because the whole purpose of that video content is to educate, entertain, and also inspire.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, 100%. And you know what? I'm seeing some really amazing content being created by some fabulous certified wedding planners and master certified wedding planners. But I'm also seeing some wedding planners give away uh too much information to their followers. You know, they're giving their followers all the tools that they need essentially to just plan their own wedding without having to hire a wedding coordinator or a wedding planner.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And we get a lot of questions from planners of like, I'm supposed I'm supposed to be out there, I'm supposed to be doing reels and showing my face. So what are you talking about exactly, Chrissy? And I'll give you guys some examples of captions and real topics where planners may unintentionally be providing free wedding planning services and again, providing the milk and possibly even the whole cow. So an example would be questions to ask during a floral consultation, or how to book a wedding caterer, or maybe even how to create the perfect wedding floor plan, or creating the perfect wedding timeline, or even I've seen everything you need to know about room flips. Oh, a lot of information.

SPEAKER_02

It's just too much. And here's what's happening you know, I'm seeing that couples are watching these and thinking, oh, well, this doesn't seem you know that hard. I can do this. They just gave me a step-by-step guide. So obviously I can do this myself. And then they don't hire a coordinator or planner, but it's not just that they don't hire you, they're not hiring any planner or coordinator because you just taught them some of the basic tools, but not all of the tools that will make them successful.

SPEAKER_01

And here's Lori, what people are doing and thinking, well, this is what I'm saying at the end. I've seen where planners will give the detailed instructions and then at the end say, but you should hire a certified or a professional wedding planner or coordinator. And Lori, you and I have talked about this. This call to action at the end doesn't undo all the instructions and the tips and everything that you just gave them and that they that they've received.

SPEAKER_02

No, no, no. I mean, it's like giving someone detailed instructions for you know changing their own oil and then saying, but you should probably take it to a mechanic. They're they're going to think, well, why would I pay someone when I now know how to do this? I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. So while it's our job to educate couples, we have to make sure we aren't giving them so much free information that they no longer see the need in hiring you as their wedding planner or coordinator. So now let's talk about the second area where we're giving away the cow, and that is during consultations. And Lori, you know how much I love consultations, but this is where we have to be really careful.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah. Because consultations are kind of dangerous territory for oversharing. It's where most planners and coordinators do the majority of it. So I love hearing couples' love stories and discussing their wedding day dreams. And, you know, I love like seeing what they're envisioning for their big day and how I can make those dreams a reality. But until they've signed the contract and paid their deposit, they're not officially my clients yet.

SPEAKER_01

Good point. Good point. And I'm I get it because I remember at the very beginning of my career, I would be that same way. I would just get really excited. When you know, when they would tell me their dreams and then love stories, my brain is already going into planner mode. I had to push the brakes on my mind there and not give them away too much information during the consultation. So, what should that typical flow look like when it comes to you conducting a consultation? Now, the first half is you're asking the questions, you're getting to know the couple, understanding their concerns, like Lori said, really getting to figure out what their wedding day dreams are and how you can hopefully make that reality. And that's what ties you into the second half where you're addressing those concerns by reviewing what package is the going to be the best fit for them. You're answering those questions, and hopefully at the very end, you are also closing the sale.

SPEAKER_02

You know, but the answering questions part is where wedding planners unknowingly start, you know, the whole, hey, you know, they begin wedding planning for them right there before they even sign the contract. And so that's where I'm seeing a lot of problems.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, exactly. And I'll give you guys an example of what that looks like during a consultation, for example. So a couple says, Hey, you know, I know you mentioned that you have an approved vendor list. Who would you suggest to be my wedding caterer? And in that moment, because in your head, you've already thought about it. You're like, just based off of what you mentioned, your concerns, you're ready to give them a suggestion right there. But again, guys, that's the benefit of them hiring you. That is the part that they are going to be paying for.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly. And if you give them the list during the consultation, you've just given away one of your most valuable propositions for free.

SPEAKER_01

Yep, exactly. Now, Laura, the third area where people are giving away the milk and the entire cow and sometimes the entire farm. Oh, blog posts and website content because you know, blog posts are going to be a little bit meatier. That's where we're giving away the whole farm. Your blog posts are meant to educate and inspire, but again, are you educating a bit too much? I look at blog posts as a way to hook a potential client in to filling out an inquiry form. I want to provide them with the information to showcase my expertise, but to not give them the full tools needed to plan a wedding without me.

SPEAKER_02

And I've seen planners with blog posts like, oh, the complete guide to planning your wedding timeline, or you know, um, everything you need to know about vendor management. And they're literally teaching step-by-step processes that couples should be hiring them to do.

SPEAKER_01

Literally, they can just print off that entire blog post and get going with their wedding planning. When you guys are creating blog posts, I want you to ask yourself, how can I educate and inspire them to reach out to me and hire me as their planner, not how can I teach them to do this themselves?

SPEAKER_02

And here's the part that I really, really need everyone to hear. Every single time that you post instructional how-to content, and every single time you give away your processes during a consultation, and even every time you publish a detailed guide on your blog, you're not just affecting your own business, because that you are in fact doing that, but you're making it so much harder for every planner and coordinator in our entire industry to justify their value and their fees.

SPEAKER_01

And y'all, that is the planner code violation. When we do these things, we're undermining the value of our entire profession. We're contributing to couples believing that planning and coordinating a wedding is easy, that it's not worth paying for the professional help, and that they can follow some Instagram tutorials and TikTok reels and all the things and do it themselves.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so now everyone listening is probably thinking, but I need to post content. I need to show that I know what I'm doing. So, how do I provide value without giving everything away for free?

SPEAKER_01

Yep. And guys, this is where we can really help shift your approach. So, Lori, I know you have a beautiful framework for this. What is the golden rule?

SPEAKER_02

All right, so the golden rule is inspire and intrigue. Don't instruct and complete. Okay, so you want to make couples think, wow, they clearly, clearly, clearly know what they're doing. I absolutely need to hire them. I don't know what I would be able to do without these people. Not, oh wow, they just taught me everything. Now I can do it myself.

SPEAKER_01

I love that. Inspire and intrigue, don't instruct and complete. Yeah. Let's talk about what that looks like in practice. What should we be posting instead?

SPEAKER_02

All right. So instead of how to create your wedding timeline, you can post something like I just spent six hours creating a timeline for a September wedding. And I know what you're thinking. Six hours for a timeline. Here's what most couples don't realize about professional timeline creation. And then you can talk about the complexity without giving away the how-tos.

SPEAKER_01

Lori, I love that because in that way you're showing them that yes, it is complex and that there are layers that they don't even know exist, and that you, as the wedding planner and coordinator, have the expertise that they don't, but you're not teaching them how to do it themselves.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, you couldn't have said it better. And here's another approach instead of, hey, here's some questions to ask your florist, you could post something instead saying, like, uh, I just wrapped up a floral consultation with an amazing couple, and in 45 minutes, we covered 23 different decision points that hadn't even been considered. This is why trying to navigate these conversations on your own often leads to, you know, either overstepping or missing critical details. I mean, it's just little things like that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, because in that way you're still demonstrating your expertise without guys giving away your whole process, without giving them the cow. You're creating that intrigue and that desire to hire you, but you're not giving them a checklist to basically follow it on their own.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, we have to be thinking about this. And so let me give you guys some specific content ideas that book you instead of training couples to not hire you. So instead ask questions or do a poll, like, are you planning or having a large wedding party? And then go into the pros and cons without telling them exactly what to do. You can share stats of what couples are doing right now. You can say this percentage still has a cake cutting, uh, this percentage does a garter toss. I mean, you're educating without instructing.

SPEAKER_01

What I like about that approach, Lori, the stats approach, is because you're providing value and showing that you know your industry, but you're not teaching them how to plan their wedding.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it's it's true. And another great approach too is you know, share some of the most common mistakes that you're seeing couples make when they don't hire a wedding planner or coordinator, uh, especially a certified planner or a master certified planner, like, you know, ordering way too many invitations, uh, hiring the DJ for the wrong amount of time, or trying to use magazine checklists that are just 1 million percent not thorough at all, does not cover everything that you need to think about.

SPEAKER_01

When I think about that approach, Lori, it kind of creates that fear of missing something important without actually telling them how to avoid making those mistakes. It's gonna make them want to hire you. It kind of goes back to what you mentioned earlier of like, I cannot do this without this person as my wedding planner.

SPEAKER_02

Inspire and intrigue. That's the key here. And here's a big one educate your couples on what you do. Okay. List your services, talk about your processes at a high level. When I say high level, I mean don't have it too zoomed in. You don't have to go into the weeds here. Uh, and share some behind-the-scenes complexity that always helps.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, because when you think about it as wedding planners and coordinators, what our product is, is what we actually do. So it's great to talk about your product, but telling them all the questions to ask all their vendors and detailing how to plan their wedding step by step. That's essentially like Coca-Cola releasing its formula. And hey, make this at home yourself. How would that benefit your business? It certainly would benefit Coca-Cola or my favorite soda is Dr. Pepper. If Dr. Pepper released their formula to me, that would not be good for my health, probably.

SPEAKER_02

It would be terrible for your health, but it also they would go out of business from you alone. Okay. But no, it doesn't benefit anybody. And that's the whole point that we're trying to make, right? Your processes, your systems, your frameworks-that's your intellectual property. That's what makes you so valuable. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01

So let's talk about the framework you should run your content through. So, Lauren, what are the questions planners should ask themselves before they post anything?

SPEAKER_02

You know, before you post anything related to planning or coordination, I want you to ask yourself these four questions. These are going to help you. So the first one is, am I teaching them how to do something that I am supposed to get hired to do? And if yes, the answer is don't post it. The second question is, am I making them think that they can do this themselves? If the answer is yes, you've got to reframe that entire thing. Uh, if the for the third question would be, am I creating desire for them to hire me or a professional like me? If the answer is no, you've got to revise it. Now, the fourth and final question you really should ask yourself here is Am I protecting the value that all planners and coordinators possess? If the answer is no, pivot, revise, you know, and make sure that you're inspiring and being intriguing. That's what your content is supposed to all be about.

SPEAKER_01

What I love about that fourth question is it brings it back to planner code.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Because again, it's not just about you, it's about all of us in the wedding planning industry.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, exactly. I mean, your social media is supposed to be, it's supposed to make couples think, oh, this is a little bit more complex than I actually originally thought. And I definitely need a professional for this. You know, this professional that I just listened to on TikTok, you know, they clearly know what they're doing. I I want them specifically to do this for me or with me.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Your social media should not make couples think, oh, that's actually easier than I thought. I just follow these steps myself. Now I know how to do this. I don't need to hire anyone. That's a no-no. We don't want to unintentionally do that with your social media.

SPEAKER_02

I beg. I beg. That's all I'm saying. So now let's kind of talk about consultations because this is where I see planners really struggling. Chrissy, you are kind of a consultation guru, right? What's your approach that really has helped protect your value when you are sitting down with a potential couple?

SPEAKER_01

So my consultations do have a very specific structure. They are an hour long. And that first half are all the questions where I am learning about them. I'm learning about their vision, I'm learning about their concerns, their budget, and what their top priorities are. And in that moment, I'm taking notes, I'm listening, I'm also watching, I'm listening, I'm looking out at their body language as well. But I'm not solving their problems yet. I'm I'm hearing the problems, but I'm not solving them yet.

SPEAKER_02

Because, you know, the moment you start solving their problems, you're doing the work that, you know, you're supposed to be paying paid to do. And at the consultations, we haven't been paid yet.

SPEAKER_01

Yep. Because then in that second half, I'm addressing their concerns, but I'm addressing them by showing them which one of my packages would be the best fit and why. I'm explaining how my services will solve the problems they just talked to me about. But again, I'm not giving them the solutions. I'm showing them that I have the solutions that they need to hire me. And I'll give you an example here, Lori. If someone says I'm so worried about keeping everything on track during the planning process, so I'm mentioning, well, the beautiful thing about all of my packages is you get actually you actually get access to my very detailed, thorough checklist. It's not a checklist that you see in the wedding magazines, it's very detailed and thorough. What I'm not doing is saying, Well, hey, I you mentioned you were worried. Here's my checklist. I didn't hire me yet. But I am letting them know how I can solve the problem. I'm not giving them the solution right then and there.

SPEAKER_02

100%. Now, at these consultations, they're also asking, you know, well, who do you recommend for a photographer or for an entertainment provider? You know, so what do you say when they're asking those specific questions?

SPEAKER_01

You know, I let them know that's actually one of the biggest benefits of when you hire me as your wedding planner. I have these beautiful relationships with vendors across every single category. And the great thing is I customize it specifically to you. I match my couples with the wedding pros based on their specific style, their budget, and their priorities. So once you book with me, we actually have a dedicated meeting where all we do is go over the vendors that I'm gonna suggest for you. That's gonna be the perfect fit for your wedding. And I cannot wait to get that process started when you hire me as your planner.

SPEAKER_02

100%. I mean, it's all about curation, right? We want to make sure that our couples know that we're curating everything for them and that they're not just a number in our client, you know, uh portfolio. So because you've acknowledged that, you know, you have the resource that they want, what did you just do? Well, that creates value around it, but you haven't given it away for free.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And sometimes they'll push, you know, they'll say, Can you just give me one or two names? And I just stay firm and I say, you know, I want to make sure I'm matching you with the right wedding pros for your specific needs. And I can only do that properly once we have your onboarding meeting and once I have the full wedding details and we're working together officially. That's part of that personalized service that you get when you do hire me.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I mean, and that's that's perfect. I love that you say that because it kind of positions the vendor matching as incredibly valuable and a personalized service, not just a list that you're just gonna be handing out to any Joe Schmo.

SPEAKER_01

And here's what I'm gonna tell all planners and coordinators until they have signed the contract and paid your deposit, you are showcasing your expertise, not providing your services.

SPEAKER_02

That's right there. That's the line. That's it. That you're showcasing, you're not providing. I love that.

SPEAKER_01

Now, Lori, let's talk about blog posts and website content. What is your approach here?

SPEAKER_02

So, you know, my blog posts are designed to do two things. Um, the first one would be like to demonstrate expertise, but also create desire. So instead of, you know, how to create your wedding budget, you know, here's a step-by-step guide. I might write something like, you know, why most wedding budgets fail and what professional planners do differently.

SPEAKER_01

I love that because it's going to create that intrigue, but it still positions you as the planner or coordinator who has a solution without giving away that solution. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02

Or you could even do like instead of 10 questions to ask your caterer, I might write, you know, what happened when a couple didn't ask their caterer these critical questions? And then I tell a story about a real situation, you know, where someone Something went horribly wrong because the couple didn't have professional guidance.

SPEAKER_01

I like that because stories are quite powerful because with a good story, you're showing the value of a professional certified help without teaching them how to do it.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, every blog post should end with this amazing clear call to action, you know, because that's going to point them toward hiring you. If you want to avoid these common mistakes and have a professional managing these details for you, let's talk about how I can help and then have a direct link that goes right to, you know, hiring us and at least scheduling that initial consultation because that's a free consultation.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And they're on your website anyway. So the whole goal of this blog post is for them to reach out to you. So let's get them from the blog post webpage to then your contact webpage. So that way they're already there. Let's have that blog post attract and treat them enough to hit contact us.

SPEAKER_02

I love that. All right. So we've talked about what planner code is uh and where a lot of planners are violating it and how to shift our approach. But I want to make sure that we kind of sum up with the bigger picture here.

SPEAKER_01

Because again, guys, this is not just about your individual businesses. This is about our collective responsibility to protect the value that our profession possesses.

SPEAKER_02

Every single time a planner posts instructural content that teaches couples how to do our jobs, it doesn't just affect you, that one planner. It's going to affect all of us collectively. So when couples see multiple planners posting these how-tos, they start to believe that planning and coordinating a wedding is easy and does not require a wedding planner or coordinator at all.

SPEAKER_01

And then what happens? These sweet couples who are trying to DIY their wedding planning and coordinate their own wedding day, they end up overwhelmed. They hire less experienced people because they think, how hard can it be? They don't understand why professional planners and coordinators charge what we charge. They push back on our pricing because they think that we're just showing up on the day.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I mean, the overall value of our entire profession begins to erode for every single planner and coordinator trying to build a sustainable business. I mean, this is just, these are facts.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, because this is a collective opportunity for us that requires us to really come together as a profession. We have the power to elevate our entire industry by protecting each other.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, we can agree as professionals that, you know, we're going to protect the value of what, you know, we do, and not just for ourselves, obviously, but for every colleague in our industry. We're supposed to care and love each and every single one of these people. We're supposed to inspire and intrigue, not instruct and complete. And we got to keep that focus in mind.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, because guys, that is exactly what planner code means. We protect each other by protecting the value our industry possesses. We watch out for each other and we hold our profession to the highest standard.

SPEAKER_02

And here's the thing: when you post content that demonstrates expertise without teaching any DIY solutions, listen, you're not just helping your own business, but you are. You're helping your business. But it's not just you. You're actually helping every single planner and coordinator maintain that professional value. You're being a champion, actually, for our entire industry. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01

So before we wrap up, we do want to leave you guys with some action steps, meaning what should planners do after listening to this episode?

SPEAKER_02

Well, the first thing I want them to do is kind of go through, you know, your last 20 social media posts. And I want you to identify any posts that are instructional, how-tos, you know, that really teach couples, even on a small level, to do what you have been hired to do. And then I just want you to delete them or redo them and revise them using the framework that we talked about today.

SPEAKER_01

Now, second, before you post anything this week, let's run through those four questions that Lori mentioned earlier. Question one, am I teaching how to do something that I get hired to do? Question two, am I making them think they can do this themselves? Question three, am I creating desire to hire me or a professional like me? And the last question, am I protecting the value that all planners and coordinators possess?

SPEAKER_02

Perfect. Now, the third action step here would be to create three new posts this week using the inspiration, not instruction approach. Uh, and you know, go ahead and focus on showing complexity and highlight your expertise, create desire for having couples want your professional help.

SPEAKER_01

And the last action step will be review your consultation process. Make sure that you're showcasing your expertise, not providing your services for free.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so that means you need to remember this: you are not being selfish by protecting your value. You're being professional, okay, you're being smart, and you're protecting an industry that really includes colleagues across the entire country, the globe, honestly, who possess the same professional expertise that you do.

SPEAKER_01

And most importantly, guys, watch out for each other, watch out for the industry because when we protect the value our profession possesses, we all succeed together.

SPEAKER_02

I agree. And that's what you know, what we have for you today. If you found this helpful, please share it with a planner and colleague uh who needs to hear it. And if you have any questions about planner code or want to dive deeper into the world of wedding planning, feel free to check us out at our website, cwpsociety.com. That's cwpsociety.com.

SPEAKER_01

Perfect. Thank you, Lori, for joining me as always. And thank you everyone for listening. Until next time, protect your value, protect your colleagues, and uphold the planner code. Bye, guys.

SPEAKER_00

And before you go, we have a little something just for our podcast listeners. If you are ready to elevate your career as a wedding planner or coordinator, you can use code podcast to receive$100 off the executive or master certification program. This code is valid until the next episode releases. So be sure to take advantage while it's available. This offer can't be combined with any other discounts. Visit cwpsociety.com to learn more.

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