The Partner Behind The Planner

Nearly 30 years into marriage, Laurie sits down with the person who has watched it all unfold up close — her husband, Phil. The late nights. The hard calls. The moments she carried more than she let on.

This conversation is about what it actually takes to support a Wedding Pro — not just the surface-level cheerleading, but the daily reality of loving someone who is expected to be decisive and organized and endlessly warm, all at once. Phil talks about how his understanding of that pressure has shifted over the years, why the instinct to "fix" can land as dismissive, and what support really looks like when the calendar is full and the person you love is running on empty.

Laurie also introduces her "cargo plane" theory of burnout — why planners are trained to carry weight for everyone else, and how something as simple as a real check-in can be the difference between steady and overloaded.

The conversation goes deeper still, into the season that changed everything: Phil's stage 3B colon cancer diagnosis, the surgeries and chemo that followed, and the strange reality of a business — and a life — that kept moving regardless. They close on hope, identity, and the empty-nester chapter ahead, along with why community matters so much for planners and coordinators who need people who actually understand the weight of this work.

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Transcript

Meet Phil And The Coffee Ritual

SPEAKER_04 0:00

For almost 30 years, one person has had a front row seat to this whole ride. Every late night, every difficult call, every time I smiled through something really heavy and cried when I didn't think anybody was looking at me. He watched me build my career and was with me as we built our entire life together. And today, we're gonna hear from him and what he has experienced.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

So grab your cup and let's hop in to the Welcome to the Wedding Planner Society Podcast, brought to you by the CWP Society, the world's premier planner certification and membership program. Now let's jump right in with our host, founder and CEO Lori Hartwell.

SPEAKER_04 0:52

Well, hello everyone, and welcome back to our podcast and coffee shop. I want you to pull up a chair. This one's going to be a little different and a little personal. My guest today has been married to me for almost 30 years. In fact, we're going to be celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary on August 10th. He's watched me plan weddings. He's watched me mentor thousands of planners and coordinators across the globe and build the CWP Society from the ground up. He's been my sounding board, my idea guy, the dad to our two kids. It's my absolute best friend and the person standing next to me through every season, whether it was hard or easy, including some of the ones that have been excruciating. He's not a wedding planner, but he is something even rarer that we have on this show typically. And that's the person who's watched a wedding planner and a mentor get made. Everybody, this is my husband, Phil. Philly, thank you so much for hanging out with me today on this podcast. Happy to do it. Thanks for having me. All right, now before we settle in, you know the rule around here. We don't talk until we have a drink in hand. So tell everybody what cup of coffee you have decided to have today.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Ooh, this is gonna bring out my ADD brain. Uh, when I walk into a coffee shop, I'm hoping that it's a long line. So that gives me plenty of time to uh make my decision. But I'm gonna go with the old reliable, the middle-aged man's drink that our daughter makes fun of me for because she's a barista and makes fun of older guys who go in and order this. But I'm gonna go ahead with a dark roast pour over, the largest cup possible. The largest cup.

SPEAKER_04 2:33

What is the largest cup? Um I don't even know. Big bake. Big big. Okay, so so anybody who can just walk in and go, I need the big big pour over there. Okay. So you're the no fuss, no nonsense kind of coffee drinker, then like the black coffee. You don't put sugar in it, you don't put cream in it.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

You know, I used to along when I was younger, but uh lately it's just black and dark and as much caffeine content as possible.

SPEAKER_05 3:00

Hopefully that doesn't say something about your personality, just dark.

SPEAKER_04 3:04

You know what I mean? It's so funny. Well, today I'm gonna go ahead and have my caramel macchiato with a little extra cinnamon sprinkled on top because it's just, you know, why not? So a little sweet, a little bit warm, and I'm absolutely okay with being a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

It describes you sweet and warm.

SPEAKER_04 3:21

Oh, thank you. I love that. All right, so listen, we've got our cups in hand. Let's go ahead and carry those over to our usual quiet little nook and let's get comfortable and get right into it.

What Makes A Place Feel Like Home

SPEAKER_04 3:32

Now, here's how we do things at this table, Philly. Before I ever ask any of my guests anything, I allow them to flip the script on me. So today you get to flip the script on me and ask me any question you can put me on the spot.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Oh, that's a good one. All right. So you and I have lived in a lot of different places. Um, I wonder outside of the kind of places that we've lived, where would you, if you had your choice, where geographically in in the world, what kind of place would you live in? And it can't be it can't be any of the ones that we currently, you know, have been in or lived in the past for the last three years.

SPEAKER_04 4:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 4:15

Maybe I want some place warm, but see, I don't like it when it's too warm. I'm not a big fan of like overly hot locations. Uh the older I get, the more I kind of want to slow down. But I have to tell you, I like the hustle and bustle of New York City. It's my favorite city in the world. However, that's probably not exactly where nowadays, as I'm getting older, where I would absolutely want to live. Hmm. To be honest, the place that I would want to be no matter what is not actually a place at all. It is you. Home has never been a location specifically for me. It's basically wherever you are. So it doesn't matter to me. I would literally follow you to the ends of the earth.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

That's so sweet. Well, I'd follow you all the way to New York if that's where you wanted to live.

SPEAKER_04 5:12

Did you really not like it that much?

SPEAKER_01 5:13

I like visiting for short periods of time.

SPEAKER_04 5:16

So short spurs, but not long periods.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

I would never want to live there full time.

unknown 5:20

Oh man.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

But I would follow you there if that's where New York.

SPEAKER_04 5:23

Where would you want to live outside of where we've lived?

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Oh gosh. I need someplace peaceful, open fields, pasture, some chickens. Chickens. Yes. Good to know.

SPEAKER_04 5:37

I'm learning so many things.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

Maybe a couple of goats and and and space. Lots of space. Okay. No traffic, fresh air, no planes.

SPEAKER_04 5:47

Um yeah, not a lot of traffic.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

No roosters either. I don't want chickens. No roosters. You don't want to be woken up. Way too deep. Like sleeping in.

SPEAKER_04 5:58

All right. Well, uh, I could probably get on that without the goats and the chickens.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

You're not on the goat train?

SPEAKER_04 6:06

I I like to watch them on TikTok, but I'm not one that wants them personally.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

So it took you almost 30 years to realize that the love of your life is secretly wanting to be a goat farmer. I'm and I'm just now revealing this.

SPEAKER_04 6:20

Yeah. No, it's okay. I mean, I'll adjust, I'll pivot as I normally do. It's perfectly fine.

Three-Week Marriage And Unexpected Dreams

SPEAKER_04 6:27

Listen, almost 30 years ago, I said yes and I became your wife. When you looked down the road to our future way, way back then, did you ever picture our life going in this direction? Did you see us ending up here and having this amazing and huge wedding community and the training programs, all of it?

SPEAKER_01 6:48

Holy smokes, no, no. And first of all, thanks for saying yes. You're welcome. That was the best thanks for asking. Well, it's the best decision you ever made. So congratulations on that. But no, you're right, by the way, that was the best decision. I think so. But we moved immediately to a whole new location, right? Right away, you and I did together, which I think was really helpful for us. We had no friends in the new town. We were we had to start from scratch. So but no, I had no idea, never pictured our life turning into and our you know, your business turning into what it's turned into. Uh, but it's been a real blessing. It's been a real fun to kind of learn alongside you and uh help you out along the way, yeah, in whatever way I could. But no, I never pictured. I pictured a more simple life, like goats and chickens, much like a goat farmer.

SPEAKER_04 7:46

These are things that you would find out if you if you dated someone longer than three weeks. So most people don't realize that you and I met and got married three weeks later. That's true. So if I had known you maybe for longer than three weeks, it maybe would have been revealed to me earlier that you and I maybe had different aspirations.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Listen, even or is this a new thing? This is this sounds new to me. No, no. Uh well, I really when I was really young, I honestly wanted to be an over-the-road truck driver, believe it or not. That's what's you I've told you this before. Oh, for some bizarre reason. Every time we're on a road trip, I picture myself, you know, hauling a bunch of eggs or chickens or goats or something useful in society, like moving big things from one thing to the other. So, anyway, but no, the goat farmer thing is is pretty pretty recent. It's a pretty new thing. You would not have known that about okay, but I agree. These are this is why kids you date for longer than three weeks.

SPEAKER_05 8:50

I feel like that's wise.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

But I feel I lucked out, but you did luck out. I we both lucked out, but um especially you. I couldn't agree, could not agree more.

SPEAKER_05 9:03

Oh my god.

The Pressure Women Carry In Business

SPEAKER_04 9:04

Okay, so you didn't necessarily know what you were signing up for because you had no idea that it was gonna turn into this world, but it kind of brings me to something that I think is important just as women entrepreneurs, because you're you've been married to a woman entrepreneur from the very beginning, right out of the gate. You knew I'm a business owner, that's how you met me, and it's just it has evolved over the years, just kind of understanding what it is to be a woman, as I, you know, I'm now almost 51 years old, and evolving as a woman entrepreneur, and in life, you go through so many different cycles and you see so many different things, and you're kind of evolving and figuring out who you are as you go. Now, that kind of reminds me about that movie Barbie, because women entrepreneurs, I feel like, have to carry a heavy load all the time. We have a lot to balance. And that movie, Barbie, that was released in uh 2023, where the character named Gloria said, it's literally impossible to be a woman. I remember hearing that speech, and I cried. I was crying as you and I were watching that. And she says, you know, women are expected to be a boss, but don't sound too mean or too strong, and how a woman is supposed to manage a whole career and have a full life, but also constantly caring for everyone else, and and that women are tired of tying themselves into knots just to be liked. And and that it hits for me and it hits hard for me. So I feel like that with that movie kind of opened my eyes and it spoke to something that I may not have actually been able to articulate prior to that moment. Phil, you've been my rock and my best friend for the last 30 years, but you probably didn't always have the full picture of how myself and other women have felt in that same way. Has that impacted, now that you figured it out, kind of around the same time I figured it out, has it impacted the way that you now show up for me as your best friend and the woman in your life, your life partner?

SPEAKER_01 11:21

What I would say is I don't think I ever really put it together how different it is for women in life in general. Like I remember back when our daughter was a teenager, and uh you and she were explaining to me kind of like what you go through, for example, when you're just walking by yourself to your car.

SPEAKER_02 11:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Um, e even in the day, but at night, and just the vigilance that you have as a woman.

SPEAKER_02 11:49

Yeah, we have to stand.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

Yeah, the alertness that you have, and I I remember that really hitting me hard. Like you teared up. That shook you. It did. Yeah, I just never, I mean, I'm a big guy, so you know, I I'm you're six foot ten.

SPEAKER_04 12:03

For everybody who doesn't know, you are a six foot ten big guy.

SPEAKER_01 12:07

Yes, and it doesn't really come through on podcasts, but yeah, I'm tall, man. Yeah, but uh yeah, I've never I like my personal safety has never really been I've never thought about that when I'm alone or walking around or in public. I just never really understood that. And I can't imagine even as a woman that just being in life, that's one thing, but then running the business and being taken seriously and being authoritative and being decisive and telling people, you know, what to do, and wedding planners in general are kind of thought of unfairly as being bossy, and that's not what it's about. It's just about being organized and you know we're the directors, yeah. You're you're just looking this guest to be done.

SPEAKER_04 12:57

And it's always sometimes seen as she's so emotional if she's like you're like, really? Because if I was a man, I'd be called a great leader.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Exactly. It's it's not fair, honestly. I I do see that. I know I don't I can't say that I always thought that, but I do see how unfairly women in business are are treated. And I have to say I empathize with that. So you asked me how it's changed how I've you know interacted with you and helped you in in life and our business. And I think it has given me a little bit of a softer side of when you, you know, come to me with something that I, as a man, you know, we just go into problem solve mode immediately. That's just our I think it's we are genetically encoded to just solve the problem. Hide the wired. Or to and the way we try to solve it is sometimes to, well, if you just see it the way I see it, it's not that big a deal. And of course, that's you know, if it's a big deal to you, it's a big deal.

SPEAKER_04 14:00

So uh just like if something's a big deal to you, it's a big deal.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

Exactly. So, you know, I've learned to to just kind of be there with you and be with you in it and uh we figure it out together.

SPEAKER_04 14:14

Yeah, exactly. And do you have any advice then for, you know, because I know that a lot of wedding planners and coordinators are listening to this? What

Support Without Fixing Or Dismissing

SPEAKER_04 14:22

advice would you have for their partners, uh, their life mates that could maybe help them kind of see their their significant other who is an entrepreneur who has to sometimes be tough and has to be all things to all people? Yeah. What kind of advice do you have for them?

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Not try to change them. Don't don't think that they're a pro your wife or your girlfriend or spouse is not a problem that needs to be solved. Their emotions are not a problem. The thing I I learned, have learned, is that your emotions or you sharing with me that I've disappointed you in some way, it's not an attack. It is a way that you use to communicate. This is something that you know made me feel a certain way.

SPEAKER_03 15:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

And it's an opportunity for me to say, oh, let me look at that and let me use that information to help our relationship and to help you and to support you, not to say, oh, that's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_04 15:26

I think the thing that I want to express to everybody is let's have different opinions, let's disagree, let's maybe even um have an argument from time to time, but it can be done in a kind and respectful way. Absolutely. As a woman in business, I've really definitely gone out of my way to do my best to really just show up in the best possible way I can. And that's been that's taken a lot of self-growth, a lot of adjusting and pivoting over the years. And I have definitely not gotten it right every single time. That is absolutely for sure. I'm the furthest thing from perfect. But I can honestly say with no doubt in my mind that my intentions and my heart have always been in the right place. And as a woman who, for a really long time, when life was going as fast as it can, it was just going at top speed, I think I went on autopilot and lost myself for a bit and just kind of felt like I was just pushing through a lot of difficult times. Things get heavy in life. And women entrepreneurs don't always know the load that they're carrying or taking on is more than the weight capacity of our plane until we go down, right? Until, you know, alarm bells start going off. And then all of a sudden we realize uh oh, we have to throw some things off of this plane so that we don't crash. We take it on too much, right? Other times, I'll be honest, it happens so fast we just crash. The crash happens. But I can imagine how it can also be just as much of a surprise to our partner. Maybe in the moment you are as their partner feeling, gosh, this came out of nowhere. Where did this come from? Why is why is she all of a sudden doing X, Y, and Z or panicking or freaking out or just feeling so depleted?

The Cargo Plane Theory Of Burnout

SPEAKER_04 17:17

And I actually think I figured it out, Philly. I think I did. I think women, especially women entrepreneurs, are those huge C 130s, those cargo airplanes who are running a successful business. They're also a life partner, or so many things, there's so many people, right? So we as cargo planes are always sensing and being intuitive to others' needs, and we have a blind spot for ourselves. We don't really always realize that we have a need. For instance, we try to help everyone else have a lighter load. We do it for a living. Think about that. Our job, it's ingrained in us as wedding planners and coordinators to lighten the load for our couples, right? This is built in, and but all the while we are inadvertently making our load heavier, mostly because we literally forget that we could just put it down on the ground. We don't have to carry it on the plane, we could just do some airdrops. I don't know why we keep forgetting that. And we're just literally going along on autopilot, picking up loads. Now, some of the loads that we're picking up are ones that we're offering to carry for others. But here's the thing: some loads are completely unexpected. We did not see them coming, and they're given to us just by life circumstances. So it's throwing extra weight onto our cargo plane. So I have to tell you, I'm really proud of this. I am getting a lot better at this lately. But these women, these cargo planes, don't always know ahead of time that we have overloaded our carry capacity. Okay, we don't know. We're we're oblivious, we're an autopilot. We didn't realize that we are not gonna stay in the air if we continue to keep adding on. We just know now that alarm bells are going off, signaling that we are about to go down. Something has gone awry. Okay. And so, and that's when we actually need our partner who has their own plane. You know, our partner's planes, sometimes they're prop planes, sometimes we're married to fighter jets, right? Sometimes we're married to stuff bombers. I don't know. You never know. I have no idea. But we're looking to them to kind of help out and maybe fly up next to us, let us throw some of the load onto your plane, or maybe just help us take some of the stuff off our plane and just do some airdrops, or maybe just be a part of the air traffic controller team who's just able to kind of talk us down with calm patience. That would be nice. So, Philly, as my life partner, what are your thoughts on my theory? And what advice would you give to husbands and partners everywhere based on that?

SPEAKER_01 20:09

Well, the first thing is it's must be difficult for you because with ADD, I own all three types of plants. So I am most most times in the fighter jet. All right. So, first of all, finding me uh to let me know that you gotta unload some stuff is probably difficult.

SPEAKER_04 20:27

It is, it's impressive.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

I'm impressive myself that I can find you. Your location service. So um, yeah, so that's that I need an air tag, I think.

SPEAKER_04 20:35

I think that would be really wise. I'll look into it.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Yeah, but um, and you you did miss one thing in your list of duties that medic is is a duty that takes on a lot, too. Yes, and I have been the recipient of your medicine medicinal services from time to time. Yes, yes, they're spot on. Thank you. You might think you're a great wedding planner, and you are, but you're an even better medic. So thank you for that. You're welcome. But uh, yeah, what was the question I'd do that?

SPEAKER_04 21:07

There's an ADHD coming in. Uh, I just want to know what your thoughts were on my theory that maybe these women entrepreneurs are cargo planes. And and what advice do you have for their partnership?

SPEAKER_01 21:18

I remember that, yes. So, my advice would be to have a two-way radio system in whatever plane you have to be flying that day, and maybe not wait for the help signal to come from your wife or significant other. Oh, maybe uh you check in every once in a while.

SPEAKER_05 21:36

What? Wait, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

I know say that one more time. Yes, I know it's a novel concept, but us guys, we we could we could check in too. Yeah, you're right, you're right. It's all right. Hey, Laurie. How are you? Just checking in on you here. Um, can I fly up and take up some baggage?

SPEAKER_05 21:57

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

You know, I think uh Because you've got your stuff forever together and uh you come across so confident and you are very confident and and organized. I walk by your computer every once in a while and I see your calendar and it it makes me chuckle when I when I see first of all the number of things that are in your calendar for any given day. It's hilarious because because my stuff is like uh mow lawn, right? What's your job today, Chef? Mow the lawn. And then I look at yours and it's like, oh wow, I didn't know a calendar could get that big.

SPEAKER_04 22:38

Isn't that colorful? I have a very colorful calendar.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

It's it's it's wonderful. But anyway, it'd be okay for us to uh to ask and to volunteer sometimes. Hey, what can I do to help? You know, and then the other piece of advice I would say is when the call comes for help, just help, just don't complain, don't roll your eyes, don't do the thigh, don't don't act like it's some sort of imposition because truthfully we're in this together. And we're both the truth is we're both flying the same plane.

SPEAKER_04 23:15

Well, you may not want to be in the same plane because you might crash with me. We can't both crash, dude. We need our own plane. I I need rescue from time to time, and you need rescue from time to time.

SPEAKER_02 23:28

That's true.

SPEAKER_04 23:29

Trust me, you do not want to be in my plane, and I don't want to be in yours. I it's very messy. Uh it's okay. Like, I I like a clean plane. Wait a second, you don't like my three planes? I mean, none of my planes, you don't want to be in? I think it's nice to look at and to sometimes take a trip, but in them, but no, not like permanently, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 23:56

Throughout the day.

SPEAKER_04 23:57

No, I think what do you think? I think so. Anyway so listen, what I am so grateful for is that you and I have been through a lot of seasons together.

Stage 3B Cancer And Staying Steady

SPEAKER_04 24:09

Uh, and one in particular was by far the hardest of them all. And you know, because think about it, it's 30 years of of different seasons, right? But one sticks out to me, and I want to make sure that I'm talking about this because it it is not an uncommon situation that people would find themselves in. And I know that a lot of my members have dealt with similar situations in the past, or a lot of my members will hopefully not, but they probably will just because of the odds. Um, some people will experience similar situations in the future. So I think it's important that we do talk about this. Back in 2018, our daughter was about a month away from graduating from high school. Our sweet boy was married, but didn't have babies yet in the Coast Guard. He's still in the Coast Guard, he is now an officer. Uh, so crap. Uh, but this was before he became an officer and before all of our grandbabies uh came to be. You and I were constantly traveling together once or twice a month, so that I can teach my conferences all across the nation. And out of the blue, for a 50th birthday gift to you, our world came to a screeching halt. For me, I felt like my world literally blew up. You were diagnosed with stage three B colon cancer, you had four surgeries over a two-year period of time, rounds of chemo, complications from some of those surgeries, sadly. But the world did not stop spinning, did it? Like it just kept on going. And I realized in that moment that I needed to make sure that I'm pulling all of my focus from other things and putting it completely on you and getting you through this and being your advocate through all the hospital stays and things of that nature. So I remember like reading all of the studies and all of these blogs and research every surgeon and every single oncologist because my man was going to have the very best medical team on the planet, you know, all while I was having to also keep the business going and be there for our baby girl who graduated in the middle of this crazy time. You had such a great and amazing attitude. You were so positive and always said, I mean, this was your mantra. I can see past this, Lori. I can see past this. I know I'm gonna be just fine. I loved that. I loved that attitude. So I that kind of gave me strength to find what I needed to find. I had to dig deep to get the strength that I didn't even know was at my fingertips because I felt weak. I'm not gonna lie to you. I felt just out of control. I felt like my world had literally blown up around me. Now, did I go into my closet on a regular basis, close the door, and weep in the fetal position? Yeah, all the time. I totally did that, but mostly because I was just so scared. I was scared that I was gonna be losing you. I was scared that maybe I wouldn't be able to balance all the things all by myself. I was beyond frightened. And it's hard to show up when you are freaked out beyond anything that you could ever really picture yourself going through. Now, I know my perspective because I went through it with you and watching you suffer through all of it, and it was excruciating to watch because I felt so helpless. But I know that you have a different perspective. When you look back on that season, from your perspective, what do you remember about how we got through it together?

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Well, that was quite a season, and yeah, happy birthday to me. Wasn't much fun, but um, I remember thinking, yeah, like you said, we're gonna get through this. I saw past it immediately, but I processed things so much different than you. You broke down immediately and uh you know for several minutes, and I just processed it differently.

SPEAKER_04 28:23

I think I'm more of a slow burned maybe it hit you, maybe it was too surreal, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Yeah, and and you're a process right away, and I think I kind of know why, because at the time, you know, we had no backup plan. Thank goodness we had insurance, but we had no other, you know, business running at the time. So you had no choice but to focus on me, of course, and my recovery, but in the off time, also focus on the business. So I I just um I remember feeling as a as a I almost said customer, as a patient, I it's it's almost harder for the family of patients who are going through whatever health crisis they're going through because the patient is just doing what the doctor says, whatever it's problems. So I remember talking to my surgeon and and I was asking him one time, you know, what what got you into this line of work? And he said, I I like knowing that people come to me with a problem, and then after they uh leave, they don't have that problem. It was a very black and white thing, which is a very physician thing to say, right? Very doctor scientific way to and that's how I saw it is I'm not gonna get into any of the emotions of it. I'm just gonna see past it. I have a problem, going to a doctor, it's gonna be solved, moving on.

SPEAKER_04 29:48

Yeah, you did not get into the emotions of it at all. No, and I was afraid to be too emotional around you because I didn't want to stress you out and think that make you think, okay, Lori's losing it. I so I you had enough on your plate. I didn't want to add to that. So that's why I did a lot of crying in the closet.

SPEAKER_01 30:06

You know what's ironic? Yeah, I knew that you had a lot on your plate too, because you were still running the business. In fact, you were running a conference from my hospital, half of a day of a conference from from your hospital room.

SPEAKER_03 30:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:20

And I remember you spent the night every night for you know three weeks straight, that first thing from the hospital. So our entire life was upended, but the the business still had to go. Yeah, still running. People still need to receive what they've been promised. So yeah, it's interesting though. I learned how different perspectives. Yeah, different we process. Maybe that's just men and women in general.

SPEAKER_04 30:45

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Process things differently, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_04 30:49

But that's what I feel like a lot of women do, is they say, okay, let's go into autopilot mode. We're going to make this work. I am gonna figure this out. Let's go. So I think that we just have to make sure that we remember as humans, whether we are a woman entrepreneur or you're a partner to a woman entrepreneur, the only thing that we can control is how we respond, how to whatever is happening directly in front of us. There you go. Yeah. Now, I feel like we need to lighten this back

The Honest Sounding Board Behind CWP

SPEAKER_04 31:20

up. Just a Sminty Poon. Stop talking about the C word uh because it hasn't all been heavy. It hasn't all been heavy. Some of my favorite parts of us are the fun ones. And when it comes to my work as the founder and CEO of the Certified Wedding Planner Society, known as the CWP Society, I have always seen you as my most trusted advisor. You're someone I can always come to with ideas. And I know that you're gonna be 100% honest. You're also gonna look at it from every angle. You're gonna give me your true opinion about whatever idea I had, because you're gonna come at it from a couple of different places. And I love that. And you, when you have ideas, you run them past me, and it's just fun. And you've been such an incredible sounding board for me over the years, and I appreciate that. What has it been like for you on that side of the table, right? And I'm thinking about all the other women entrepreneurs out there who have partners who are on the other side of the table. What is it like for you? And you know, just kind of helping bounce ideas off the table, and but also how is it to kind of be behind the scenes of the CWP Society for yourself?

SPEAKER_01 32:43

Well, uh, I, as you know, have zero interest in the wedding industry in general.

SPEAKER_04 32:49

I am very clear on that.

SPEAKER_01 32:50

I'm a businessman, I like business and all of that, and um, I love you and I love our family. Um, but uh it's been interesting to hear uh you know the situations that you come across with in the travels that we have made. I love solving problems, so I it again, you know, this is uh I guess the dichotomy of being in business with uh someone as your spouse. Yeah. So as a spouse, you're not supposed to be a problem solver, you're supposed to be an empathetic listener and you know, just be there and but walk by side by side. But sometimes we get to talking about business and well that is a problem.

SPEAKER_04 33:35

And we go into problem solving.

SPEAKER_01 33:37

There you go. And and it's been fun to learn some of the problems and and and some of the solutions and creative solutions. So yeah, it's been it's it's always interesting, but I think our our job as a spouse to anyone is to celebrate them no matter how they show up. And even if some of that's showing up is annoying. I know my ADD is a bit annoying sometimes.

SPEAKER_04 34:05

No, I actually think it's endured. I think it's hilarious personally, but I I actually don't see that as an issue or a problem at all. In fact, um, I think part of that has made some of your feedback when I come to you with an idea. I think some of that ADD has really actually helped shape how I go about making decisions and how I, you know, anything that I need to make changes for within the organization. So yeah, no, I actually think it's been a huge benefit to me just because of how your brain works.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

Maybe so, yeah. Maybe because my brain is always trying to troubleshoot from so many different angles.

SPEAKER_04 34:48

It's so helpful. I have to tell you that it's one of the most helpful things in the entire world. Because, see, if I wanted just my own, like if I don't want to be married to someone exactly like me, I don't want to have a sounding board of someone who thinks the same way I think.

SPEAKER_05 35:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:05

The reason why is because what's the point? Nothing is gonna really ever get done, nothing's gonna improve, nothing's gonna get better, putting all my ideas past you because you do come to the table from a completely different, like to the point where sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, Phil, I never ever saw it that way. And it just helps me become better, it helps me be a better person, helps me show up better for my members. Yeah, and that to me is is key. So I I love your ADD.

SPEAKER_01 35:36

I think if I had a um over the last 30 years, if there if I could say the lesson that I've learned, because I I did not always, I was not always aware of this, but a lot of times if if uh let's say we were talking about an idea or whatever, and I ran across something and you said, nah, that won't work. Moving on, uh I would take offense to that. Yeah. In the early years. I would be like, hold on a second.

SPEAKER_05 36:02

What do you mean it won't work? That was a fantastic idea.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:07

Like, but dude, you don't understand the wedding industry yet.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

And uh thankfully so. But yeah, so I've learned that a no isn't an attack.

SPEAKER_04 36:18

Yeah, it's not a has something to do with you and your intelligence, right?

SPEAKER_01 36:22

It's not a you're you're you don't know what you're talking about. It's a no, that won't work. Let's let's go. Give me give me 10 more ideas. Let's go, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, it's been interesting to ride along this ride with you. I love being your co-pilot, being in the background. Yeah, I don't fit in a TV screen anyway.

SPEAKER_04 36:42

So you're way too big for that. Way too big. Uh, it won't work. Uh so well, you know, listen, that kind of brings us to right where we are right

Empty Nesters And Redefining The Future

SPEAKER_04 36:52

now. It's just the two of us again. We're empty nesters. Our kids have grown, they have left us. I'm honestly in a place right now in my world that I'm almost 51. I'm rediscovering who I was before I became everything to everyone. And because I lost myself for years, when you start to realize that you did, because I honestly didn't even know I was lost, had no clue that I was lost until like little sparks of memory came back. And I'm like, oh, hold on now, wait a second. So I I'm really actually enjoying this moment where I get to find who I am, not just who I was, but who I'm becoming. And what's been fun since we've been emptying nesters is you and I are finding our groove again, rediscovering our love story, which is kind of fun. What are you? And I'm just curious, but what are you hoping for in this next chapter and what that would look like for us?

SPEAKER_01 37:53

I see calm. I love calm. I see long walks.

SPEAKER_04 37:58

I love long walks in nature. How close do we need to be to nature? These are the questions.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

We can get you a Hazmat suit if you'd like, one of those beekeepers outfits if you want to, because I know that insects tend to grab tape for me. Yes, that's fine. Now, when you're done working for the day, yeah, I love watching you walk down the stairs from your office and be like, honey, I'm home. I love it. That's my favorite part of the day.

SPEAKER_05 38:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

Uh, but I know that one of your favorite parts of the day is walking up those stairs to the office to start at work. I do, I do love it. As long as it brings you joy, I say work until you're 80. That's what I'm fine with that. Okay. But after your morning work, uh, let's go on a nice long. Okay. And then get some more work done. And then after dinner, let's go on some more walks.

SPEAKER_04 38:47

Because that's what I see in my so you said after dinner, some more walks. How many walks after dinner will be required for this?

SPEAKER_01 38:55

Uh there's no uh there's a lot of walks.

SPEAKER_04 38:58

I'm just saying that this seems like a plethora of walking.

SPEAKER_01 39:01

There's a lot of walking.

SPEAKER_04 39:02

Okay, but you said walks. Sure, yeah, walks. After dinner, we could go for some more walks.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

Yeah, we go for an after dinner walk, uh-huh, and then we have dessert, and then we'll go for another walk, maybe after dessert. After dessert walk.

SPEAKER_04 39:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 39:20

We'll negotiate though.

SPEAKER_04 39:21

Okay, we're gonna, yeah, I feel like we need to kind of play that one by ear.

SPEAKER_01 39:24

Put it part of the retirement, Laurie's partial retirement negotiation package.

SPEAKER_04 39:29

Yeah, we'll put a pin in the multiple walk situation. But all right,

Finding Community Through The CWP Society

SPEAKER_04 39:34

we'll listen. Everybody who's listening, thank you very much for for listening to Phil and I carry on. To me, the people carrying the heaviest loads, they're often carrying them with a smile. And partners that are standing right next to them don't always realize that what's behind that smile is a little bit of strain. And that's why it's really important for us as wedding planners and coordinators and entrepreneurs to say something. When we need help, we need to speak up. Whether that's your friend, your significant other, whomever it might be, you do need to say something. I don't want you to ever feel like you're alone. You're never alone, especially when you're a part of our family. Our wedding planners and coordinators, the members of our organization, we all support one another constantly. If today's conversation hit home a little, I want you to know we're here and ready to accept you into our family. We've got a whole community of us here, the CWP Society, planners and coordinators who just get it. We've got the free pro membership, the associate membership. The associate membership, by the way, is for those who aren't really interested in ever owning their own business, but you are working and wanting to work for an established wedding planning firm. We also have our executive and master membership. Those are for wedding planners who own or plan to own their own business. That master one is for our more experienced, more veteran wedding planners. But if that's something that you're interested in getting and you want lifetime free member benefits with no recurring fees, no monthly fees, nothing, then please go ahead and check us out at cwpsociety.com. We would love to have you. Until next time, everyone, take care of yourselves and take care of each other.